The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Glucose Intolerance?

So it is no big secret (unless I forgot to blog about it) that I did not pass my first glucose tolerance test. Of course, the jumbo-sized croissant an hour before the test didn't help but I didn't think it would be such a big deal to take the second glucose challenge test or else I would never have taken the first until I knew I could pass.

I don't have the results back yet from the second test but I can tell you right now, it knocked me on my butt. I honestly did not expect to feel so miserable from such a simple test.

Let me explain how it works- first you fast for at least twelve hours. For a pregnant woman used to consuming everything in sight every two hours this is no easy task. Not only do you fast for twelve hours but the actual test itself takes an additional three hours from start to finish. Picture the panic in my eyes when I find out that I cannot even chew gum to stave off my ravenous hunger pains during this time. Oh yeah, and who has the time or patience to sit around in a lab or doctors office for three hours?

My nurse gave me two options- I could get the tests done right at my doctors office- the phlebotomist gets there "around 9-ish" (quick calculation, no food until around noon-ish for me?) or she could call in the test and I could go to my local Quest. I choose door number two please.

Now, have I ever explained how the three hour test works? You go in, they draw blood and then you drink the glucose. Exactly one hour apart for the next three hours they draw blood again. Personally, I think there should be a painless way that they can just leave the tap in your vein and tape it down so that they can easily access the same puncture location for that three hours but that isn't how it works. I was horrified to discover that they actually needed to stick me FOUR times in that three hours.

There was another pregnant lady there at the same time for the same test. I overheard them reassuring her that she would get through it and that she needed to drink plenty of water. I'm thinking "Get through it? Who wouldn't? This can't be that bad."........ Little did I know...

The first stick was virtually painless. They gave me a little bottle of lemon-lime glucose to drink. I had heard that the lemon-lime was the worst flavor available so I was mildly surprised to see that it wasn't as bad as I expected, it actually tasted more like a super concentrated Otter Pop. Of course, about halfway through the little bottle I discovered that my love for Otter Pops had probably fizzled out the summer I turned twelve and that it was actually kind of gross to keep drinking. But you only have five minutes to chug the thing so I kept going. As a matter of fact, I think my body still vividly recalls that flavor as I feel it rising up at the back of my mouth right now as I type this. Yuck.

I was actually one of the first patients of the day at the local Quest- I had gotten up extra early and waited in line before they opened so that I could hurry up and get this test over with. After all, I was worried about eating. Fortunately for me, the lab was five minutes from work so I knew that in between blood donations I could run back and work for short stretches. Anything to keep my mind off food.

The first hour flew by. My office wasn't even open for business yet, I was leaving just as my girls were getting to work. It only took twenty minutes including drive time to get to the lab, get my blood drawn, and get back to work. One hour down, two more to go. It wasn't too bad, my stomach hadn't even yet realized that I hadn't really eaten breakfast. I suppose in hindsight I should have recognized that I was going into what I consider the "glucose coma".

The second hour wasn't as easy. My heart felt like it was racing but my body wasn't responding. I started to feel physically sick. I tried to drink water but found I didn't even have the appetite for that. And I was initially worried about needing to chew some gum to keep away the hunger pains? My body felt like it was getting ready to shut down. Hunger was the furthest thing from my mind. So I went for my blood draw. That one was painful, I think I got the new girl. I will give her credit though, as painful as it was she didn't cause any bruising. But still, it hurt like hell. I decided that I would have to righteously object if they gave me her for the next blood draw.

By the third hour I wasn't sure I would be able to drive myself back to the lab. I wondered if I were to get in an accident if I would be charged with reckless driving or if I would be let off because there was no disclaimer on the glucose bottle that I shouldn't perform the test while driving a car or operating heavy machinery. I made it back to the lab, got yet a fourth phlebotomist to draw my blood, and prayed that I wouldn't pass out right then and there. This lady enjoyed her job, and had I felt better I would probably have enjoyed having her take my blood. She gave me a great compliment, which I didn't even have the energy to respond to with enthusiasm- she asked how far along I was and when I told her seven months she called me the "Super-Fit, still working pregnant lady". At least, I think that was a compliment. Anyway, I wanted nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep. I told her this and she told me definitely not to go to sleep, just drink lots of water and I would pull out of it. Oh yeah, and food? Just the thought of food was enough to make me wretch. I figured maybe I needed some milk to start with, so I left the lab and stopped at the grocery store.

At this time I was moving so slowly that I think I even got passed up by the frail old woman moving along her walker. It was all I could do to just put one foot in front of the other. I wondered if I should use one of those motorized shopping carts that the grocery stores offer. I decided against it because physically, people would see the super-fit pregnant lady and then they would judge me as I would if I saw the same thing. So I trudged through the grocery store toward the dairy section. All I want to know is, why don't all grocery stores have exactly the same layout? I mean, you can go into two Vons stores and although they are both Vons they will be flip-flopped! So the dairy in my Vons is on the right but the dairy in the other Vons is on the left. Too late, now I have to make a big circle of the store. And don't think that the marketing trick will work on me, I'm not going to grab extra stuff along the way this time. You better just hope that I don't pass out right here at the meat counter on my way to the dairy on the wrong side of the store.

I buy some milk and drive back to work. I am what I call "a hurting unit". I feel as if I have absolutely no energy to control any of my limbs and that my mouth is hanging open with drool hanging from my lips. I sit in my chair at my desk and try desperately to regain some sense of normalcy. I drink the glass of milk and it takes me two hands to lift it to my mouth. I couldn't even eat if I wanted to.

About an hour and a half later I finally force some food down. It is around noon-ish after all by the time I get to eat something. I think I was living in a time warp. Everything had slowed down to the point of non-existence. Somehow I finished off the day at work, came home and ate a light dinner, then was asleep by eight pm.

Why do I tell you all of this? Because with a reaction like that to this test I am no longer confident that it was just a fluke that I failed the first one. I am actually mildly concerned that maybe I really have developed gestational diabetes. Of course, it can be controlled with diet and whatnot, but I can tell you one thing for sure, I never in my entire life want to have to go through that again.

So today I think I will be up to my old tricks. I am going to call the lab and go pick up a copy of the results even though I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. I don't want to have to wait until Thursday to hear the answer. Cross your fingers that I passed...

Constant Movement

I am absolutely fascinated by the fact that this baby moves around so much inside of me. What an absolutely amazing yet mind-blowing concept. I find that the baby moves almost all the time- with only short periods of rest (usually about forty five minutes to an hour of down time).

I think today I felt baby hiccups for the first time. It was a very steady flick, flick, flick. And it lasted for quite awhile. At first I thought maybe this baby was lucky, maybe it could just had rhythm and could tap, tap, tap it's foot to a tune. Then I remembered that I'm the mother and my husband is the father. Even a fluke of nature wouldn't net our child any rhythm. So the light finally clicked on and I realized it must have been hiccups.

Also I find that the baby is moving more now than just kicking. Which means the living quarters must be getting cramped. And the most fascinating thing is that when the baby moves and I put my hand on my stomach I want to convince myself that I am able to actually feel whole sections of the baby as it moves. Ok, that doesn't sound like what I'm envisioning. Let me try again. When I put my hand on my stomach, and the baby rolls from left to right it's like I can feel it's entire leg move beneath my hand and it's like the baby is one step closer to actually being real and being in my arms. I mean, I can't tell if I'm feeling a leg, arm, head, or bum beneath my hands, but my imagination is active and I'm just picturing one of those things. So what if I'm wrong, this is my dream and I'll dream it how I want to.

My belly button is hurting again, which I think is an indicator of another growth spurt about to happen within the next week. And over the last few days I have noticed that my belly button feels softer around the edges- am I imagining that the outer edge of my belly button appears to be starting to pop out? I thought I was going to be exempt from the "outie".

Every day that goes by fills me with a new sense of wonder. Just the thought of giving life and the entire process involved is enough to overcome every single challenge along the way. (Although had you asked me that during the first trimester I may not have been able to see it so happily).

For lack of a better adjective, this is awesome.

Reality

So if you have come to this website because you want to hear the truth about infertility you are too late. I was the lucky one that miraculously got pregnant au-naturale after nearly two years of unexplained infertility and four rounds of low dose fertility medications- which incidentally did not result in pregnancy. My only explanation about how I got pregnant was my Kokopelli on my nightstand the month I conceived- the first month I had the Kokopelli. (If that tells you anything)

And after my last post I'm thinking that I need to rename my blog and quit my whining about all of my pregnant problems. Especially because I just had a chance to catch up on two of my friends from the Venting Room's blogs. And now I'm feeling really crappy.

I am so self-absorbed that in just seven short months I have nearly forgotten all the crappy things that the truly infertile crowd have to go to. So Joei & Flutter, I'm sorry. But let me tell you both, your blogs are awesome. I love reading them as you both so eloquently put into words exactly how I used to feel.

For those that are truly looking for a good blog to read about infertility check these two out:

http://flutterofhope.blogspot.com/

http://thebabyhopes.blogspot.com/

Fred Flintstone Feet

Just three little words to try and create the most descriptive picture in your mind about the way my feet look when they swell up- Fred Flintstone Feet. They turn into a stumpy, swollen, fleshy mass that resembles a foot, when I can get my toes to wiggle that is. The problem is my toes swell up too and then even focusing on wiggling them takes great amounts of energy to even produce one minor movement.

So of course, I live in the desert. I cannot completely avoid sodium (although I do make a concerted effort). It's hot here, I wear strappy sandals that I know I shouldn't wear, and I eat sodium-laden food because without sodium it is just flavorless calories. I mean, really, what do I expect?

I hate to say it, but truthfully, I am vain. I have seen pictures of my friends and family in that last trimester of pregnancy- their faces and arms have swollen to twice their normal size. Swelling is a part of pregnancy, right? But the thing is, I just don't think I can handle it. So the fact that my feet do succumb to the swelling thing really bothers me, because I worry if my arms and face will be next. I am entirely too vain about my appearance to comfortably accept the fact that I may soon look like the Michelin Man.

Yeah, I know, you can tell me right where to stick it and you would be entirely justified.

Belly pictures

Well, I finally posted some belly pictures on here. Couple of things to note- sorry they are all in a bathing suit for anyone that may take offense to that. The reason? This is the freakin' desert. It is too hot for a pregnant lady to wear much more. I practically live in a bathing suit (outside of work of course) so there aren't many opportunities to take the picture in anything else.

Also, there are no faces. Yeah, I'm mildly concerned about privacy. I mean, if there weren't psycho people out there that had already proven themselves psycho then I wouldn't have to worry about that. Since that isn't the case I just had my husband take the pictures strictly of my belly. Second reason? Well, very early on in my pregnancy my face looked like a teenager hitting puberty all over again. Who wants pictures of that? I would rather look back on my pregnant pictures without the actual physical reminder of the acne and fatigue.

Unfortunately I am not a master blogger so I couldn't quite figure out how to get the pictures to insert in this post directly. I posted them to the general photo album, so if you have a chance, check it out! I'm trying to remember exactly how far along I was in each photo, once I get that figured out I will try to rename the photos so that you can see also. I can tell you that the most recent one is 26 weeks 4 days, that was yesterday.

I'll be back again later to post some of my vacation tales. I find they are fading quickly from my memory and I'm already mad at myself for not getting them posted online faster.

Summer Vacations

While I'm online I figured I better start the journal from my summer vacation before the pregnancy rot wipes it from my memory. Every year we go to Canada to visit my husband's family- we go every summer and every other Christmas.

To be honest, I love going to Canada. It is home away from home for me. Usually we drive, it is a 24 hour straight drive. We usually drive straight through the night, taking turns stopping at truckstops and loading up on things like black coffee for my husband and Dr. Pepper and Ginseng tablets for me. We have very specific truckstops that we use along the way, mainly because they can be counted on for clean restrooms and well-lit facilities. Unfortunately, I knew early on in this pregnancy that driving wasn't going to be an option this summer. So I booked plane tickets. Not a bad way to make a 3200 mile round trip actually, I would consider it again in the future.

Anyway, the reason this summer trip was so important is because for the first time in six years all of my husbands brothers and sisters were going to be home with all of their children. It was going to be a mini-reunion of sorts. Now keep in mind, my husband is fourth of five children. Two brothers and two sisters. We are the very last of the bunch to pro-create so there are also a myriad of neices and nephews. Actually, eleven to be exact, before we add our contribution.

You can imagine that with that many adults as well as that many children that things were just a little bit hectic. Maybe that would be an understatement. It was anarchy. The adults were so happy to see each other and wanted to spend time catching up that the children ran rampant whenever they could get away with it. Which wasn't all that often when I was watching but I couldn't police the party all the time so there were a few episodes they got away with.

It was great, really, it was. I'm not saying that overly sarcastic either. I just had to spend the first 48 hours telling myself that if the adults didn't care what their own children were doing I shouldn't either. And once I got past that the trip got a little better. I do have some highlights, I am too tired to go into them tonight but I'll post some cute anecdotes in the next day or so. They mainly involve the younger neices and nephews and my tummy. They were absolutely fascinated with it, and it was just the cutest thing. I tell you, when the kids are angels you can easily see why people want to have them.

On the flip side, when they are cranky, over-tired, or just plain possessed, you can also see how they would become effective birth control for others. Too late for us on that one. But I'm still looking forward to adding another stocking to my mother in laws mantel this winter and having others judge both my child and my parenting skills.

Maybe then I will be able to let up on their children's behavior and their parenting skills once and for all. More to come on this another day...

Glucose Challenge Test

AKA Glucose Tolerance Test. And I failed it. So I kind of knew that was going to happen anyway- I mean, at my five month check up they told me that I would need to do the glucose test at my six month check up. But I vaguely remembered once while waiting at the lab for some pre-pregnancy bloodwork that I saw a pregnant lady sitting there waiting out her time for the glucose test.

So I thought that it was something I would do outside of my doctors office. Oops. I got there, they got me right in to see the doctor, and they gave me a chilled bottle of sugar water to drink right away. I cracked it open and drank half of it before I even thought "Does this require fasting?".

Right there in fine print on the back it did indeed direct the user to fast before consuming. Oops again. Not only had I eaten breakfast that morning but I also had eaten a jumbo sized croissant from Costco about an hour before my appointment.

What the hell, I'd already drank half of it, I thought maybe I would fluke it out and pass. So I finished the drink, waited my hour, and donated my blood. All the while knowing that I was probably going to fail and I should have just owned up to it.

My nurse called while we were on vacation last week. First thing Monday morning I called her back and I told her that I knew I had failed it. I told her that I didn't fast. Surprise to me, she said it wasn't required for me to fast for that one, but that now I had to go for the three hour glucose challenge and that this one does require fasting.

Are you kidding me? Is that even safe for a pregnant woman to fast and then spend three hours drinking sugary drinks while giving blood? Besides that, I can't even get up and have a shower in the morning without eating something first, I would die of starvation while soaping up in the shower. And the worst part is that if I want to do the test in the lab at my doctors office instead of a stinky clinic I wouldn't be able to even start it until 9am. That means no food from 9pm the night before until after noon the next day? No, really, that cannot be healthy for mother or baby.

So that's what I get I guess. I should have just told the truth, skipped the test that day, and not tried to shortcut my way into passing that test. There is no cheating like there was in grade school, it is pass or fail all on your own merit.

I'll let you know how that three hour deal goes. And this time I damn well better pass it.

Nursery Started

Well, at least one project has begun. Saturday I had my sister and her girlfriend over and they helped me paint the nursery. It wasn't all that difficult, I taped everything up for them and got started on the trim work. Yes, I was wearing one of those face mask things- it was so hot in there I thought I was going to pass out.

They came over about two hours after I started and took over from there. I gladly left the room so that I could remove the face mask. When I went back upstairs an hour later it was all done. I kind of like painting like that! Of course, we only painted the bottom half of the wall so it wasn't a large job to begin with.

We wanted to put the wallpaper border up right away but then I read the directions. It said to wait 72 hours for newly painted walls before hanging the border. I have this thing about doing it right so we waited. The problem with waiting is that now we aren't going to get it done before we leave for vacation. So add that to the list of projects that need to be finished in a short period of time.

I will say, just looking at the paint on the walls makes me giddy. It makes me want to order up all the baby furniture and go load up on all the baby supplies so that the room will look complete right away. I'm not one with much patience.

But then again, I guess lately I'm not one with much perseverance either, considering none of my projects are done. That's ok, there are still sixteen weeks (give or take) for me to finish all of this.

And the race begins

You know that feeling you get when you know you have plenty of time to accomplish a certain task so you put it off for just a little while? Then you think about it and you know you still have plenty of time so you put if off just a little longer? Then all of a sudden you are running out of time and you wonder why you ever put it off to start with? Yep, that's me.

I know exactly why I put off doing anything for this baby in the beginning. I was afraid to let my heart get broken. And then after 13 weeks when I was through the most critical stage I put things off just a little longer because I was paranoid that something could still happen.

Here I am, at 24 weeks, looking ahead to the fact that there are sixteen weeks OR LESS and I now am faced with a mountainous task and not much time to accomplish it. I need to figure out what I am doing about childbirth classes- are we going to take them or are we going to check out the movie from the library that someone suggested? What if the library doesn't have the movie and I waited so long that the classes are all full?

I need to order baby furniture. I have at least taken one quick sweep through Babies R US and have some idea that I don't really want to buy my furniture there. I have been looking online and it makes sense for me to order it online or even on E-bay but there are lots of horror stories about that too- "waited six weeks for furniture to find out it was backordered and wouldn't get here before baby".

I need to register for shower gifts. Ohmygosh I am getting to the point where I need to register! And I can't talk my husband into going with me. He could care less what doo-dads I think we need. So I guess I'm going to have my sister go with me- which is an honor for her and will be a great bonding experience for the two of us, but still, I think it takes something away from this being a "couple" event. I shouldn't be surprised- he didn't want to go with me to register for our wedding either so it isn't anything personal.

I need to figure out what is going on with a baby shower. I have friends that are going to throw it for me, but when should they? Is there some sort of etiquette about how early or late you should have a shower?

I need to learn how to install a carseat in my latch system backseat. Wait, first I need a carseat. Which means I need to register. And have a shower. Of course, my mom is planning to buy me the carseat/stroller. I guess they are called "travel systems". I suppose I could just tell her which one I want instead of actually registering for it and waiting around for the shower. But then that takes the fun out of it for her because I know she really enjoys bringing the biggest gift to the party.

I need to tour the hospital and register there too. I need to meet with a lactation consultant. I would really like to breastfeed but with my implants I was forewarned that I would only have a 50/50 chance. When do I find out if it will work for me? After my infant has been starving for a week and we figure out that nothing is coming through the pipes?

Now, let's look at the timeline I have available to do these things (and more unlisted ones). We are leaving for Canada on Friday July 7th. We will be back late Sunday, July 16th. So we are more than halfway through July. My best friend is coming for the last weekend in July so we have one weekend available to do things in July- the third weekend. Then my husband is celebrating his 35th birthday the first weekend in August, so we are taking a trip. Poor guy, he is getting gypped. We had a massive celebration for my 30th birthday and I was planning to take him to Mexico for his 35th. Now it is looking more like Palm Springs. Ok, so that cuts out one weekend in August. There are three more weekends in August. Then Labor Day weekend, which we can't count on getting anything really done for the baby because we are still working on landscaping our backyard. Since that is the next long weekend we are planning to have massive loads of dirt, rock, and sod delivered to hopefully get it in some sort of working order. The weekend after that is my birthday weekend. That puts us halfway through September. The baby is due a mere five weekends after that and can theoretically come at any time.

So the way I see it we really only have about six weekends available to accomplish all of these tasks. See what I mean by time is already running out?