The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Minor Changes or Major Imagination?

I am going to have to guess that the last four weeks of pregnancy is much like the two week wait while trying to conceive. I have read I don't know how many books, magazines, and internet posts about the signs of labor. It is terribly addicting, just like I was helplessly sucked into monitoring my body signs while we were trying to get pregnant.

Of course, labor is different for everyone. And I know I am not in labor. But since I am obssessed with knowing every little thing about my body I find that I cannot stop myself from over-analyzing every potential twitch or twinge.

So here are the minor changes I am majorly imagining:

Within the last four or five days I have found that I am no longer so exhausted in the morning that I can barely drag myself from bed. Instead, I find that I am waking up somewhat refreshed and actually feel pretty decent in the morning. Of course, by late afternoon my batteries do start to wear down so maybe this is nothing. I would not classify my energy level as supercharged and I have not yet had the nervous burst to get down and scrub my baseboards or cook a million casseroles to freeze so again, I'm thinking maybe this is not really a sign that labor is forthcoming. This is probably more a sign that I have had a few nights in a row where I was able to sleep at least three hours in one stretch. It is amazing what that can do for a sleep deprived body.

I am, however, restless. I woke up this morning (a Saturday) at 6:30 am. As much as I willed my body to go back to sleep and enjoy the fact that I didn't have to punch the alarm clock I could not do it. So instead of tossing and turning in bed and making my husband miserable I got up and headed downstairs. I surfed the internet for a good hour checking out posts on BabyCenter. Funny thing, I could have joined a pregnancy board but never did. I stuck with my infertile friends, actually, I should say, they put up with letting me stick around. I have never really ventured outside of my infertile link so I didn't even know that some of those other boards were out there. Wow, some of those women are pretty catty. There's a reason I stick to my safe haven of venting friends.

So where were we? Oh yeah, I seem to have some energy and I'm very restless. After surfing the internet I tidied up the kitchen and I would have mopped the floor but first I need to vacuum it. (too much tile to sweep) I couldn't vacuum because I was letting my husband sleep in. So I puttered around the kitchen trying to find something to do. I did organize my recipe book! Finally, six years after receiving it as a wedding present I actually did put all of the recipes under the correct tabs and threw out recipes that I know full well I will never make. So I did accomplish one thing. Then since I had the recipe book out I made cream cheese stuffed croissants for breakfast.

I have had light period-like cramps. But not very consistently, and not long enough to really be concerned about. So sometimes I wonder if I just dreamed them into existence.

I feel like I can breathe again- no need to take a giant breath and feel like I didn't get any oxygen. But I haven't noticed that the baby is sitting any lower than it was (although the girls at work think so). Again, not really sure if I am imagining that I'm feeling different or if I really am feeling different. Along those same lines, I can eat more than four bites of a meal without getting too full. Now that is at least something that I can visually see. Last night I polished off a large house salad with chicken at our local haunt. I don't know why I ordered a large to begin with but I was pretty amazed at myself when I got to the finish line.

Last but not least, I have had these wierd aches in my lower abdomen. On Friday I couldn't walk through one. I know they are not actual labor contractions because otherwise my back would be involved, but those aches were enough to send my husband into a tailspin. "What?? No! You can't have this baby yet, we haven't even finished watching the video! Do I need to run home and get it now?"

He's so cute. I don't think we need to watch the video right this second, but I do think we should take advantage of this weekend to do some of those things we have been putting off. Like watch the childbirth video. Practice the breathing (even if we think the video is a joke). Pack my hospital bag.

He has a golf tee time set for tomorrow at noon but when he saw that I made breakfast and that I'm feeling a little restless he asked if he should cancel it. I cannot tell you how much I love that guy. I don't think he should cancel it, as a matter of fact, if he has a chance and can take the physical workout he may want to play twice tomorrow. Because if my minor changes are even remotely real then he probably better get in a game or two now.

I cannot decide which is worse. The two week wait or the four week countdown. Both are pure torture and you have no control over either one. Hmmm.

Counting Down...

So I had a doctor appointment today- and what I would like to know is, why do I always have an appointment after a "difficult" patient? This happened the last couple of times I was there. This morning was the worst though- this patient consumed over an hour of my doctor's time. (Note how I said, MY doctor)

I was complaining about it to my husband over dinner and he said "Weren't you a 'difficult' patient?" Well, yes, but I never took an hour of my doctor's time all at once, instead I made an appointment each week so that I could stick to my allotted fifteen minute time window. And I had to pay a copay each and every single time, so I feel like I paid my dues to be that difficult patient.

They did the culture for the GBS test, something I need to Google later. Basically I was told by the nurse that if I have any sort of infection and the test comes back positive they will have to give me antibiotics during labor and delivery so that the baby isn't affected. I can't imagine what kind of infection they are looking for so I will do some research and post back another time.

As usual, he measured my uterus. Today it was measuring thirty six weeks- which is pretty close as I am thirty five weeks one day today. I asked him to check out my cervix while he was down there swabbing and I'm telling you, I'm probably going to have a hard time with the whole relaxing breathing thing during labor and delivery. Heck, him checking out my cervix is nothing in comparison to a baby's head but I just couldn't relax enough- he almost couldn't check it out. Anyway, sparing the gory details for any male followers (including my husband) he did check out my cervix and said that he could feel the baby pressing up against it. He is presuming it is the head although my cervix was swollen from the pressure of the baby and not yet thin enough for him to make out the exact part of the baby that was causing the swelling. Great, so not only do your hands and feet swell, but apparently internal parts swell too!

I was worried about the thought that the baby may have backed itself in since the kicks and rolls are coming from different directions now than they have through the rest of my pregnancy so I asked him if he could tell if the baby was head down or breach. I know that words cannot adequately describe the comedy and the twinge of pain that ensued but I will try. He positioned his hands above my stomach like he was about to knead bread dough and then proceeded to knead and probe- not gently I might add. It so caught me off guard that I yelped like a small dog. Or a medium sized one. That in turn caught him off guard and he lifted his hands, still in the kneading position. We stared at each other with looks of bewilderment and then breezed past like nothing happened. It was funny, after the fact. But from his expert stomach probing incident he deduced that the baby is probably head down. Great.

He is going on vacation to a medical conference in Mexico so I was left with strict instructions not to have this baby for at least two and a half more weeks. My next appointment is October 4th with the CNA or whatever the heck she is.

I just realized that time is running so short and the baby could be here in just a few more weeks so I figured now would be a good time to tell my husband to get some while the gettin's good. There will be a moratorium on sex for at least six weeks after our baby arrives. If only you could have seen the look on my husbands face. Six weeks? And I waited to tell him this until we are thirty days from completion? He was wanting to know why that wasn't information that was disclosed during the whole decision making process instead of waiting until he was already hooked and unable to back out. Sheesh. Someone should write a book that fathers-to-be will actually read. I know there are books out there but I can't honestly say that my husband would pick one up and read it. Now, if it was written by Jenny McCarthy, maybe. And illustrated with pre-pregnancy photos, for sure.

My original due date was October 24th but they moved it up to October 20th. So with that target date in mind, this baby could be considered full term in just fifteen more days... But I need to hold off until my doctor returns from Mexico, so there are about nineteen more days. During that nineteen days there are only three weekends.

This weekend my husband and I have planned to go out for a nice steak dinner. Our Last Supper. Next weekend we are having a barbecue on Saturday with our friends. Our last Hurrah.  And the following weekend? I guess we are cleaning the house as we will be having new company coming to stay. Permanently. Where has time gone?

BAD KITTY!!!

Finally, a post about something other than my blossoming pregnancy. So eight years ago I was working as an office manager extraordinaire at a towing company. You have absolutely no idea the kinds of things you will be exposed to if you spend more than ten minutes at a towing company but those are stories for another day.

One day I got a call from my dispatchers downstairs, they towed in something in a car and wanted me to come take a look. I went downstairs expecting to see some blood and guts (because let's face it, we had some pretty gory stuff with fatal accidents and we were all morbidly curious). I looked into the box they pointed to- low and behold, tucked into the filthiest sweatshirt were six tiny kittens with no momma cat. These kittens were so new that they still had their umbilical cords attached and their eyes were sealed shut. They were mewing so pitifully that it broke my heart.

The dispatchers had already called animal control, who would come out and pick them up but would put them to sleep because they could not feed themselves and there were no foster families available. Of course, tender-hearted me, I couldn't let that happen.

Keep in mind, I could barely afford to feed myself at this time, let alone buy special formula and bottles for three day old kittens, but I was bound and determined that life wasn't fair for these kittens. They didn't ask to be ripped away from their feral mother cat just because she was unlucky enough to give birth to them in a junk car in the worst area of town. As a matter of fact, the area we picked the car up from was so bad that the tow truck driver was lucky enough to make it out with the car and no conflict so he sure wasn't going back to look for some lonely momma cat.

So I took them all home. Now, fortunately for me, we had been raised around numerous types of animals and one or another of our cats always seemed to be having a litter of kittens. I had seen enough during my life- including helping a mother cat deliver a breach kitten- so I knew how to handle them like I was the momma cat. In case you did not know, kittens do not go to the bathroom on their own, they need to be stimulated by the mother cat to do so. Grossly enough, I went through rolls and rolls of paper towels wet with water just mocking a mother cat and stimulating these kittens to go to the bathroom.

Anyway, of the six kittens, two got really sick and despite my trips to the vet which included mini-IV shots to rehydrate them the two kittens died. But that meant that I had four left, four whose very lives depended on me. I fed these things every two hours with a bottle. By the time the feeding was done I could get about half an hour of sleep and start over again. I took them to work with me and enlisted the help of as many people during the day as I could in order to keep up the feedings and still get my work done. I guess you could say it was my first real attempt at motherhood, albeit a little backwards.

The four remaining kittens grew into feisty little champs, and I wanted to keep a pair of them. I always believed cats did better in pairs. My husband (then boyfriend at the time) absolutely insisted that I could have only one cat, and I knew exactly which one I would keep. But funny thing, the other one that I wanted to keep had "adopted" my husband and so it came to be that we kept the pair.

My cat, Allie, is an obsessive-compulsive primadonna. She always has been, and I indulge her. She has a routine and it really throws her off if she can't stick to it. But these cats are so funny, they are more like dogs with their personalities. They will come when you call them, as a matter of fact, my husband's cat will even come when he whistles for her. I love these cats.

The funniest thing is that they say animals can sense changes before people can. I probably mentioned it before but will mention it again- my cat stopped sleeping next to me about a week before I found out I was pregnant (one of her "routines" that had never varied in the last eight years). She only sleeps on my husbands side of the bed now, much to his chagrin.

Because my cat is such a primadonna, she will not use the litter box if there are more than two or three clumps in it. The litter box is located in the garage on a square of carpet and if the box is "full" to her standards she will poop next to the box, not in it. I know, not sanitary, and unacceptable, but sometimes I don't blame her. In our last house she got in the habit of using the small rug in the downstairs bathroom. I can't remember what I did that finally broke her of that habit but it worked.

So anyway, last week I used the downstairs bathroom and found a kitty present on the rug. Umm, ok, accidents happen. I was mad about it but figured I would keep an eye out for a trend instead of just assuming the worst. Then two days later there was a nugget in my husband's office. Ok, now I think I'm seeing a trend.

Tonight I came home and the whole enchilada was sitting on the office carpet. The only room downstairs that even has a carpet floor. Damn cat. I'm not starting this, especially with an infant coming. Animals with behavioral problems, whether born with them or acquired, will not be tolerated in my house and especially now that I have a baby coming to live here shortly.

So I did what a friend said her vet suggested. I locked the cat in the laundry room with the cat box, food, and water. The vet said to lock them in there for twice as long as the habit you are trying to break. In this case, I'm not really sure I can lock her in there for four days since she pooped inside at least twice. And it is especially pitiful to hear her crying loudly at the laundry room door. Right now I'm just trying to make it through the night and hope that the punishment is enough to show her that I'm the boss.

I'm already doubting that I will be much of a disciplinarian with my children, even though I talk the talk. I mean, really, I should leave her in there for at least a solid 24 hours, and that is only half the time the vet suggests. But I just feel so bad, hearing her cry and knowing that she is probably scared in there even though I left the light on and there is a pile of towels for her to sleep on. I feel like a bad parent already. And heck, this is all over a bad kitty!

How am I ever going to discipline a bad kiddie?

34 Weeks 4 Days Pregnant:

Today I am eight and a half months pregnant. This baby could come at the end of the thirty seventh week and it would be considered full term. That is only twenty three more days. The prospect is a little scary actually.

Am I ready? The house isn't clean. Well, it was before the baby shower last weekend but I have had so little energy that it now looks like a small hurricane hit it and I need to do another deep cleaning. I guess I shouldn't worry too much- I hear that the nesting instinct will kick in and I will wind up cleaning like a madwoman shortly before the baby comes. Good thing that nature has that funny quirk- I can't imagine bringing home a baby right now with the house in the shape it is in.

I spent two lunch breaks this week running around trying to find some cheap pajamas with button tops to take to the hospital but I haven't yet packed my bag. And then after spending all that time looking for pj's I heard from one of the girls at work that her hospital didn't even allow her to wear her "civilian" clothes- turns out she had to wear hospital issue clothes so they could tell who the patients were. I'm sorry, but a lady walking around a maternity ward moving like she is a hundred years old wearing a hospital ID bracelet isn't indicator enough? Good thing I'm not delivering there- if the nursing staff isn't bright enough to figure out who the patients are do you really want them tending to you?

I have just a few minor things left to get for the baby- like another carseat base and a Diaper Champ. I know, I've heard the mixed reviews about the whole diaper pail thing. Some people use them, some people don't. Some people love them, some people think they don't keep the smell away so it doesn't matter. I did opt on the practical side when thinking about the diaper pail. Diaper Genies require that you buy their special bags for use with their poopy sausage roll-making machine. If I have to make a special trip to the store for refills I won't use the pail, no matter how effective it is. Diaper Champ doesn't seal the stinky offending diaper into it's own little cocoon but I can use it with my regular trash bags. Besides, if the diaper is that bad it really needs to go straight out to the trash can in the garage anyway. But I digress.

I haven't finished watching the childbirth video that I bought online. I just have this thing about going to an actual class with a bunch of strangers, trying to seriously practice breathing and relaxing. Plus judging by my husbands reaction I don't think I could have gotten him to go either. So I bought this video online- it was a great price, 39.99 and that included shipping. How can we go wrong? Plugged it in and found that it was produced in like 1982. I suppose breathing is breathing and it isn't like the techniques change over time but it is really hard to take it seriously when all the guys have mustaches like porn stars. We fast-forwarded through quite a bit of the practice sessions (where I suppose we were supposed to be practicing as well) and we didn't even make it through the whole video. So I think we need to sit down and try again.

Really, at this point, the one thing I really do have ready is a diaper bag for the baby, complete with several changes of clothes in case it pukes or poops before we ever get it out of the hospital. By the way, my best friend bought me the most stylish diaper bag ever and if this one ever wears out I will be replacing it with the same brand. It does not look like a baby bag at all, it is a cute enough tote that it could be used well after baby has outgrown a need for a diaper bag. If you are looking for a stylish alternative to the standard Winnie-The-Pooh bag, check this site out.

So I guess it is getting back down to checklist time again. Things to accomplish before the baby makes it's appearance:

1. Clean House. This is a must. And I don't think I should wait until the nesting instinct kicks in, I better get started right away. Besides, with a house this size, it could take the next twenty three days at a minimum to get it back into shape. **Update- the house is now "close enough for government work" cleaned.**

2. Buy another carseat base and clean out the car of my bazillion half-full water bottles. **Update, bought the carseat base, have not yet cleaned out the car or installed it.**

3. Pick up a Diaper Champ. Oh yeah, and maybe some pacifiers, bottles, and other miscellaneous tidbits that will probably be needed within the first two weeks. Heaven knows my poor husband is great at doing what I need him to do but I don't want to overwhelm him with little lists either.

4. Finish decorating the baby's room. First go buy and then hang the shelves, the wallhangings, and the window valance. Possibly call the window-shutter guy to come out and measure and quote. Although that last part is sounding a little ambitious. That may have to wait until the baby is here and I am home during the day.

5. Pack my hospital bag. Ooops- better hurry up and register for a tour of the hospital too. I don't even know where the maternity ward is in the hospital we are delivering at!

6. Send in leave of absence and short term disability request. I hear they can take up to thirty days to process.

Hmmm. I'm sure more will come as I actually get closer. But this seems like a good start for now. Let me see what I can accomplish this weekend.

FREE 2004 Amelie Wine for Bloggers!!

Ok, I mentioned it once before, but just so you know, this was not a hoax or a scam. I really did receive a free bottle of wine from Mankas Hills Vineyards. Sorry I did not get this posted to my blog about a week earlier because as of yesterday they updated that they had reached their quota of free wine and are ending the promotion.

However, I must admit, I am pretty impressed. I sent off my e-mail to Andrea, and she responded promptly. The wine showed up just a few short days later (sorry it has taken me over a week to update- I forgot!). Being pregnant of course I haven't yet opened the bottle but I'm dreaming about it and I will guarantee that it will be the first we open for our annual Thanksgiving feast. (If I don't crack it open as a celebration drink when the baby comes).

Not to mention that they are running an awesome special for the month of September- their cases are discounted an additional ten to fifteen percent plus free shipping. I mean, how can you go wrong? The Mankas Hills Sampler Case is now knocked down to a spare 115.00 and that includes shipping. For twelve bottles of wine? I can't even buy twelve bottles of wine at my local grocery store for that price! I'm all over this deal. And at that price, I wouldn't even mind giving out some of these bottles as Christmas gifts!

What attracts me to this sampler case the most? The fact that eight of the twelve bottles are Cabernet. My absolute favorite. And I think my husband would enjoy the Rose. By the way- don't ever call a Rose a "blush". That is for absolute novices and it will give you away. We were in Healdsburg, Sonoma County and we ducked into the tasting room for Toad Hollow. (Another great little vineyard whose products are available at Cost Plus World Market) Anyway, I pointed out the "blush" to my husband and almost got chased out of the tasting room. The kindly gentleman behind the bar actually gave me a gentle reprimand and then schooled me in the art of wine. I learn something new every time I taste wine.

I'm not any sort of wine afficianado. I just know what I enjoy. I know what I can afford and what I can pronounce. So that being said, the wines from Mankas Hills appear to fit the bill. I think I'm going to order up the sampler case to have on hand for the standard Thanksgiving feast.

If anyone has any other great suggestions please let me know. Otherwise, drop by their website and browse the products. Buy a few. They would appreciate your business!

Baby Shower!

All I can say is that I am blessed with a generous group of friends with big hearts. It was humbling to see that almost every single person that was invited actually came and the magnitude of the gifts we received was just off the scale. I felt a little guilty actually at the money that my friends and family spent- and also was a little relieved because they bought virtually every single thing that we will need.

You name it, we got it- the carseat/stroller (that was a HUGE one), the swing, highchair, bouncer, monitor, all of the matching Zanzibar accessories, diapers, bottles, clothes, we are really set on this one.

It was a beautiful day to have a shower. I always hate going to showers on my weekends off, truth be told. I mean, weekend is premium time and showers always seem to take the best part of one day. I wanted to make sure that my friends could still enjoy their weekend so we did it at ten am.

Before you gasp- ten am?- like everyone did when they opened the invitations, there was a method to my madness. First of all, if we did it early enough in the morning people could still be home or out doing other things right around lunch time. That means that really only half a day was wasted. Plus, in order to sweeten the deal, we served Bloody Marys and Mimosas. See, I'm not all that bad! It was funny actually, the Mimosas just turned into straight glasses of champagne and we went through six bottles of it. They also polished off an entire bottle of Bloody Mary mix and then started in on my husband's beer stash. I overheard someone say that this was the best baby shower they had ever been to. Cheers!

My best friend and another good friend of mine co-hosted the shower and it was beautifully planned and executed. My friends husband owns a printing business and he printed up professional vinyl banners that said "Baby Shower" along with my theme- rubber duckies. We hung a few in the house and then hung one out front so that people would know which house to go to.

Funny story. My shower was at ten am. We had some people that so enjoyed the festivities they stayed until 3:30 even though most left around 12:30. Anyway, the doorbell rings around 2pm and my best friend goes to get it. I can't see who it is but I hear them all talking in the entryway so I ask my husband who it is. He has a puzzled look and shrugs- he has no idea. Huh? There was one person that said they were coming and didn't make it but even still, my husband knows who she is. So I get up and lumber toward the front room. I'll be darned, I don't know who these two ladies are either!

Turns out that there was another baby shower three houses down but these girls didn't read the address on the invite, just saw the baby shower sign hanging from the front! My other friend yells out, you can stay- you already brought your presents in and everything! So needless to say I'm sure the two women were mortified but we all got a good laugh out of it. Then we took down the banner.

My sister and my best friend spearheaded the assembly efforts and put together everything in sight, including the high chair that we won't need for another six months. I was a little worried that my husband would feel cheated but it turns out that he was exhausted from a long day of golf and that he actually got more of a kick out of watching the two put things together wrong, realize they were wrong, and have to reassemble them. Not just once, but multiple times.

In the mean time, I washed all of the clothes, blankets, bibs, socks, etc. in Dreft. I can't stop smelling those darling little baby clothes. They just smell so, well, baby. I was thinking about washing all of our adult clothes in Dreft as well but we have a high efficiency washing machine and although it is ok to run regular soap through it I think I had best stick with Tide HE.

Now that the clothes are all washed and put away there isn't much left to do. I will be packing a bag sometime this week to take to the hospital. And then I'm just settling in to wait and see. We even have the carseat base all installed in the car. I sure love that Chicco Cortina carseat- it has a level on it so that you can see that it is properly installed. It took all of ten minutes to get it in there snug- and the only real struggle was my husband having to throw enough weight into clasping the Latch system in place.

Speaking of husbands, I just adore my husband. He is such a good sport. It is so cute to see him as he is slowly getting more in touch with the reality of this- personally I am so wrapped up in the whole baby thing and every little blanket and sleeper has me ooohing and aahhhing. He doesn't have that kind of reaction but he does show it in his own little way and I love it. He is going to be such a good father, I cannot wait to see our tiny baby in his arms.

Wow, it really won't be all that long from now. Let's see, Tuesday I will be 34 weeks pregnant. At the baby shower yesterday I was asking everyone how early they delivered. It varied between 36-38 weeks. If I thought of it like that I will meet this baby in just 2-4 short weeks. WOW.

Gender Predictor

I laugh almost daily when random people tell me that I am having a boy. I have now had it happen several times when I am checking out at a store that the cashier says "You're having a boy, aren't you?". I always tell them that I have no idea because we didn't find out the gender, and when I tell them that they always tell me (with cashier-like authority) that it is definitely a boy.

I know they think that because I am all baby with this pregnancy and apparently according to old wives tales girls tend to spread out all over but I don't have the heart to tell people that I think it is just lucky genetics that cause me to carry this way and that it very well could be a girl.

Two of my sisters each have two kids, one has boys and the other has girls. I have news. They both looked exactly like I do and much like each other when they were pregnant- I wouldn't rely on the shape of my stomach or on where it is being carried to tell me if it is a boy or a girl. Otherwise my sister with two girls would have been out of luck believing both would be boys. Incidentally, they both found out the gender of their babies so there was no guesswork involved.

The girls at work have a little office pool going. One believed that it is a boy because my stomach was pointy. Pointy? Then a few weeks later she changed her mind and said she wasn't sure. As of Friday she was back to thinking it was a boy. One thinks it is a girl because I am carrying high. She is the only person that has ever said that I am carrying high. But then she changed her mind on Friday and said that I had dropped, which I haven't yet. So it's funny- some days I look like it is a boy and others it appears to be a girl.

What do you think? I've posted a more recent picture. Let's take a blog-poll. Boy or girl, and why?