The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Strange Hits

One of the fun things about blogging is that you can see who your visitors are (at least you can see which web page they accessed your blog from).  It took me awhile to figure that out (duh) and it is the easiest thing in the world to do- you are probably wondering how I could be so dense.

Anyway, for the fun of it every now and then I check out what search terms people are using that wind up directing them to my lowly little blog. In the past there have been some odd ones- for example, my post on my swollen pregnant feet that resembled Fred Flintstone feet was pretty popular. Really! There are apparently several people that Google or search the term "Fred Flintstone Feet". Two things from this- one, not really sure why they would be searching that term, and two, if they were searching that term, why would they click on my blog titled Adventures In-Fertility?

Some of the other more popular ones are the ones where I labeled my entries with my age in pregnancy- for example, thirty four weeks pregnant. That is a very general term and I'm flattered that anyone searching a general term like that would check out my site for the heck of it.

Of course, there are other strange hits that I have received and those are the ones I want to talk about. Today I got a hit for diarrhea appendicitis. I doubt my blog contained enough information for that person searching it but I wish them luck.

And even more disturbing, the one search term that has come up several times and which still perplexes me- "pictures of mucous plug or mucous plug pictures". Where do I start... First of all, if it was a one time search term I probably wouldn't think twice about it. But seriously, someone has accessed my blog several times by searching this term. I'm hoping it is the same person that just really digs my blog and forgot to bookmark it but knows they can get to it by typing in some crazy ass search term.

I mean really, mucous plug pictures? Even my own morbid curiosity didn't strike me to take a photo of it when it happened, although I'm dying to know if there really are any mucous plug pictures out on the internet right now. I'm thinking maybe I should search the term too and see what I come up with. Actually, I'm a little scared to think of what might pop up if you start looking for pictures of it.

So let me assure you, whoever may be looking for pictures of their mucous plug- I too wondered before I lost mine what it was going to look like. I wondered if I had lost it and just didn't know. Here is the thing- first of all- some women never lose theirs. If you lose it, you will know. For me it didn't just happen to drop out in one nice neat little cork like package, it was more like a two or three day affair. I blogged about it the first day and thought it was done with, but it wasn't. There was a little more to come the next day. I was definitely fascinated by it- but if you have any experience with infertility and charting your physical signs then you will also find that your mucous plug resembles your fertile eggwhite cervical fluid- except it looks a little dirty. And there was definitely an abundance of it.

Hopefully when people search random terms and they do decide to drop by my blog they find it interesting and decide to return again someday. Feel free to bookmark the page though so you don't have to keep typing in those random terms to get to me. And I hope you find whatever it is that you really are looking for, whether you get it from my page or not!

Badge of Motherhood

I have what feels like five hundred things to post about and only about three minutes to do it before Hayley screams for her 2:00 feeding but here goes.

I will admit for a second time that I really struggled with motherhood the first few weeks. I need order and there is nothing orderly about being a new mother. Not to mention that motherhood doesn't work that well with my whole Type A obsessiveness- I can't control every aspect of it and that really throws me off.

Last night we were at my parents house for my mom's birthday and for the first time in what feels like forever I had on a cute outfit- nice sweater that compliments my figure and a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans. Oh yeah, and I was able to wear a cute pair of boots that my swollen pregnant feet couldn't fit into. I felt, well, cute.

I was holding Hayley up over my shoulder with a landing strip firmly in place for any accidents. It wasn't until my dad and my husband both tried wiping up the back of my sweater that I realized Hayley had bypassed the landing strip and made it down my back.

I didn't realize it until we were driving home but instead of freaking out about my cute outfit going through the wringer I had calmly told my dad and my sweet husband not to worry about wiping off the puke- that was my White Badge of New Motherhood and I was proud to be wearing it. I guess there is one thing to be said about having a new baby- it has definitely tamed my Type A freak episodes.

And the truth is, I really was proud to be wearing that puke. I worked long and hard to get to that point and it was for me a status symbol (like my maternity clothes were initially). Now if I would actually go out and get the Pomegranate thread so that the White Badge of Motherhood is displayed in conjunction with the Infertile Thread of Honor then maybe it can offer hope to women with unexplained infertility and can offer some peace to those going through other infertility issues- I've paid my dues and I'm not trying to snub those that are still experiencing tremendous pain.

My three minutes are up. Ding.

Stubborn Umbilical Cord

I can't remember if I posted about Hayley's stubborn umbilical cord yet or not and I don't have time to run back through old posts so bear with me if you have already heard about this.

My kid does everything to the beat of her own drummer. I'm pretty proud (and a little scared of what is to come) about that. She didn't make her grand entrance when I wanted her to, had we let her she probably would have stayed in there for another week. So it should come as no surprise then that her umbilical cord did not fall off within the first two weeks like they normally do.

At her one month check up the doctor was surprised to see it still firmly attached, and I was pretty anxious about it. I had been cleaning it with alcohol (as I was instructed at the hospital) with every diaper change. Apparently I had been a little too vigorous with the alcohol. The pediatrician said that there is a natural bacteria in there that also helps the cord fall off and that I had probably killed off the bacteria with all that alcohol. Ooops.

Anyway, the prognosis was that if it hadn't fallen off by her next appointment at the two month mark then he was going to send her to a surgeon to have it removed. I was really bummed- both about the possible surgery on my infant and about the fact that it hadn't fallen off yet so she still was only able to have sponge baths.

Friday night I was changing her diaper and I noticed that it was looking a little gooey. Sorry doc, but I cleaned it with a dab of alcohol on a cotton ball. Of course, I immediately began to regret not following doctors orders as it started to bleed. I freaked out and called the pediatrician's office. Since they didn't have any appointments left at 4pm Friday afternoon (and why the hell not I wanted to know) they told me that if it continued to bleed to take her to urgent care. I was in tears when my husband got home but the bleeding subsided and I kept a close watch on it. I dug out my Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy and looked up umbilical cord care. I love that book! It said that sometimes when the cord is about to fall off it does bleed a little so I felt a little better. Still felt guilty about disobeying the doctor though.

Saturday afternoon I was changing her diaper and took a quick peek at the cord just to see if it was ok or if I had done any damage from the day before. The cord was very, very loose and I could tell that it would fall off soon. I gave it a quick jiggle but it was still attached so I went ahead with the diaper change. Miracle of miracles, as soon as I fastened the diaper and went to fold down the top to let the umbilical cord breathe it had fallen off. I was so excited I showed my husband, who closed his eyes and asked me to please discard it. He gets grossed out by that kind of thing while I tend to have a morbid fascination with it.

At six weeks one day old my kid finally let go of her umbilical cord. I decided to wait one more day for her first bath, just for good measure. After all, we had been waiting so long already. She had her first bath last night and it was the cutest thing ever. She loved it!! I didn't want to get her out of the bath she was having such a good time- but I also didn't want her to catch a chill so we did cut the bath short. I'll post the pictures if I can find the camera around here somewhere.

On Being a Mother

I must admit, the first three or four weeks I guess I wasn't fully "attached" to Hayley yet. Don't get me wrong, I loved the kid and kissed her to death (still do), but somewhere in there I still felt like I was ready to go back to work. After all, at work I am a superstar. I can do it all and I am good at it.

With regards to being a mother, I can't do it all and so far I'm only so-so at it. If you knew me before having a baby you would know that my house was (usually) immaculate, I was a great hostess and I tried to be a great wife.

Now the house is by no means clean, it isn't even tidy. Everything has a place but it isn't in the right place. Half the time the clean laundry doesn't even make it upstairs- we are wearing it right out of the basket from the laundry room- or worse yet- from the chair that it was laid across in the front room. I'm not a supermom. I am still trying to figure my kid out and sometimes I get it wrong. I hate that sometimes she cries and I can't figure out why.

There is one difference between now and a few weeks ago though, I don't really want to leave Hayley and go back to work. I have five weeks of leave left and I am potentially going to extend that to eight weeks, but my heart is already breaking thinking about the end of it either way.

Since Thanksgiving Hayley has changed and grown so quickly that I don't want to miss a minute of it. She is smiling and cooing at us now- it is the cutest thing it sometimes brings tears to my eyes. She is such a happy baby (except during the witching hour, but we are ok with that). Her little features are starting to really show through and believe me, so is her little personality and the temper which she apparently inherited from me.

So I guess I'm admitting that everyone was right. Being a mother changes your whole life. And some people (like me) would swear that they want to go back to work full time and that they will be ok with leaving their infant when they have to. To all the people that told me that things would change- you are right. They do change. Even though it took me a few extra weeks after Hayley came to realize it.