The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

One tip for early teething:

Sorry, couldn't resist. I Googled "early teething" and one of the first pages I checked had a list of tips. I don't know why but I couldn't stop laughing at this one:

If your baby seems irritable, acetaminophen may help - but always consult your child's doctor first. Never place an aspirin against the tooth, and don't rub whiskey on your baby's gums.

Hmm. If these are the types of tips that I am going to find then maybe I will just save myself the time and not bother searching.

Early Teething?

Hayley is thirteen weeks today and we think she started her first round of teething last weekend. So here is how it played out, she woke up crying on Saturday morning. Of course, I jumped right out of bed because the only time she wakes up crying is in the middle of the night. She NEVER wakes up crying in the morning or during the day.

She was burning up so I grabbed the ear thermometer and had my husband try to hold her still. Ha. That's a joke, holding a crying, wriggling infant still. Anyway, I knew full well that the ear thermometers aren't accurate at that age but it came back at 102.6. We grabbed the infant Tylenol and gave her a dose.

The sad thing is that I knew she wasn't feeling well, she wouldn't stop crying and fussing and she wanted to be held. She's a pretty independent kid, so the fact that she wouldn't let me put her down made me sad for her. I wished I could do more. Of course, at that time, teething didn't cross our minds. We had kept her home from the babysitter the day before because the babysitter's son had a fever and was throwing up.

All morning I snuggled her and kept checking her temperature. I gave up on the ear thermometer and grabbed a regular digital thermometer. I tried the armpit method. That too came back at 101.5. I had read somewhere that rectal temps are one degree higher than oral temps and two degrees higher than axilliary (did I spell that right?) temps. So that meant an armpit temp of 101.5 was really 103.5.

I started freaking out and made my husband go buy a regular thermometer. Of course, I was freaking out but not freaked out enough to want to buy a rectal thermometer. We tried the stick thermometer in her armpit and it came back at 101. Still high if there was any truth to the whole two degree difference thing. It had been four hours so we gave her another round of Tylenol and decided to take her to the emergency room.

I know, I know, this is where you shake your head and say "ahhh, paranoid new mother". You're damn straight I'm paranoid! How many other stories have we heard in the news about parents that wait too long to do something for their kids and we all say "Why didn't they just get it checked out?"

So anyway, by the time we had her checked out her fever had broken and was already on the downswing at 99 degrees. The doctor was unable to find anything wrong with her and sent us on our way, one hundred dollars poorer.

The very next day she woke up gnawing on her fist and her little cheeks were just rosy as could be. She had no fever so the rosy cheeks weren't just flushed. She has been chewing the heck out of her hands ever since. She did have two good nights where she slept from eight until six am but then the last two nights in a row have been rough. She wakes crying/fussing but I know she isn't crying because she is hungry. She soothes herself by chewing on her fists but then winds up crying a short time later.

We thought we would have a few more months before having to deal with teething but we honestly think that is what she is doing already. I talked with the pediatrician about it and he said that it does sound like teething and that some babies have teeth by four months. Wow.

So anyway, if I can sneak some time this weekend I will look up info on early teething and post it here. As for now, I have to get my buns into bed. She could be up in an hour, every hour tonight!

Being a Working Mom Sucks

There is really no other way to say it, being a working mother really stinks. I went back to work this last Tuesday and I cried the entire day. I started crying before I even left the house with Hayley!

The only redeeming factor is that we are taking her to a friend to be watched during the day. We have known this friend for about six years now, and she is a single stay-at-home mom. We adore M, and we are so grateful that we have someone like her to watch Hayley. At least I know that Hayley is getting the attention she deserves, and I know that M snuggles and kisses Hayley all day long.

The bad thing is that by the time I pick Hayley up each night I know our time is limited, as she eats and goes to bed around 8:30. I've given up on watching night time tv so that I can spend time playing with Hayley.

Maybe, just maybe, one day I can hit the lottery. Then I can stay home with my kid and not miss a minute of her growing up. I'm not an over-zealous mom that has to be there for every second but seriously, I just don't want to be away from her.

I Love Being a Mom

Now that we are settling into a routine I must say, I love being a mom. I love it. I know that sometimes I could be more patient with Hayley- like when she is crying and I can't figure out why- but I will keep working on that and try to become more patient and understanding. Sometimes I think she cries and even she doesn't know why.

At any rate, I love the fact that my baby looks at me and knows I am her mother. Sometimes when someone else is holding her and she starts crying I love that she will come to me and usually she stops crying. I love that I can make her smile just by looking at her with my "smiley eyes"- our secret little sign between us. I love our goofy little games, like singing the ABC's and stopping at the letter P every time we change a diaper with pee in it. I love watching her sleep. I love being the first one to get her out of the crib in the morning- she wakes up so happy I can't help but love it. I love our "snuggle time", which we have several times a day. I love walking around the house with her in one arm. I love when she yawns and a little sigh escapes at the same time. I love how she smells after a bath. I love picking out clothes for her every day. I love that people think my baby is beautiful and that complete strangers will stop us to smile at her.

I love feeling needed and I love knowing that she is half mine. There are so many other things I love about being a mom I could go on and on, but since we were having a rough night and Hayley isn't feeling well I thought I'd just jot down a few to remind myself of all the good things about being a mom. The truth is, even on her worst day I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Going Broke

I swear we are going to go broke because we have a cute baby. I can't help it, I am in over my head when it comes to buying her cute little clothes. Seriously, if you have a girl, stay away from Carters, Babies R Us, and the Childrens Place. I don't know why I torture myself like this but I have to check out each of these stores at least once every other week.

It so happens that now Hayley has an entire closet full of clothes with tags still on them. I am guessing what sizes she will be wearing in the summer months so that I can buy those cute little sundresses with bloomers. I have found a couple of super cute jean dresses, I love those things! They are like little overalls but they are dresses. And don't let me forget about scooters- you know, skirts that are shorts. For heavens sake. I have to go back to work just to fuel my spending addiction on Hayley's wardrobe!

Oh yeah, and just yesterday I bought her first swimsuit. I couldn't pass it up- I was at the Hilfiger outlet store. You know how outlet stores are, you have to buy something when you see it or else they probably won't stock it ever again. (At least that is the excuse I always give my husband). It's a little two piece tankini. I couldn't go with a total bikini for Hayley, since she has a little buddha belly it was wise to try and find something a little longer. Besides, as cute as baby bikini's are they really are pointless. The top just scrunches up into their armpits and doesn't really cover anything anyway. They'd be just as good going swimming with nothing but a swim diaper on. Which, incidentally, may happen anyway.

I guess now I know why they always say "Thank Heaven for Little Girls". At least, that is what the children's clothing stores say.

My Parental Fears

I find now that I am a parent that I have these irrational fears and this hyper-sensitive level of paranoia about every little thing. Let me give you an example, when I am out shopping and I get back to my car with Hayley in the carseat/stroller. I am afraid that while I am unlocking the car and I turn my back to the stroller some stranger is going to dash by, grab my stoller with my kid in it, and run. Hence, I never turn my back to my stroller.

I also have a fear that when she is in her carseat in the shopping basket the same thing will happen. It really makes grocery shopping a nightmare now because again, always have one hand on or near her carseat.

I have shared these little fears with some family and friends who are also parents and they assure me that it isn't unusual, really, it is rather something that makes me more aware and more cautious. Yeah, I'll run with that one.

However, I also have fears that I haven't shared with anyone, more because I don't want to be ridiculed. Honestly, one of the reasons I personally put off having children so long was because I am afraid to raise them in this "world". We've all heard it, and some of us have said it, but things were different when I was a kid. I was raised in Albuquerque, and yeah, I could have wound up as a statistic, but we hitch-hiked and hung out in caves in the side of the mesa. I felt safe. I rode the public bus to the mall and walked to school.

I would never consider letting Hayley take the public bus or walk to school. I don't want to become an overprotective parent, and I like to think that I am secure enough that I won't be all over her forever, but when I think of the possibilities for someone to snatch her I am scared to death.

And that isn't the only thing that scares me. I wanted to have a boy because I know there are differences between boys and girls. Girls are fiercely independent (at least between my three sisters and myself we all were). Not only are they independent but they are pretty difficult to identify with. I am afraid that one day Hayley will wake up and I will just be her mom, the enemy, someone to avoid. I don't want that to happen. I don't want her to push me away because that is what happens during "those years". I don't ever want our bond to be broken, and I know THAT is an irrational fear. I can't control it. I can't stop it. But how do I learn to work through it?

See, here again is that stupid Type A personality. This isn't even a situation that is remotely near happening and I have to work out a plan of action for dealing with it. Can I just bring myself back to reality and get through one day at a time? The issues today are more like, does she have a milk allergy or is the puke just related to her cold?

Alas, I hear her stirring and the lights on the monitor are going crazy. Reality calls.

A Fresh New Year

Wow, I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post but the holidays were just crazy. I had one of the worst Christmases (is that even a word?) on record. The only saving grace was holding my little Hayley in my arms, and that made it all worth it. But the worst Christmas story will have to wait for another day.

We spent New Years at the river with my best friend and her family. We had such an awesome time, it was Hayley's first road trip and she did fantastic. She slept like a champ while we were there too- I was so happy. I know that they would understand if she cried in the middle of the night since they have two kids and we have been through their crying kids with them but still, you feel a little self conscious when it is your kid. So anyway, she slept through the night better there than she does here- once even sleeping from 8pm to 5am.

Of course, she hasn't slept like that since. And even my nice little stretch from 7:30pm to 3:30am is gone. She has been waking anywhere between midnight and 1am. Oh well, I'm sure her schedule will change yet again.

So what do I hope for in 2007? Well, I have my baby girl to be thankful for. So this year I hope that she grows and learns and is healthy as can be. I hope that I am able to teach her the things she will need to know and I hope that I will be the best parent I can be. I'm also a little selfish, I hope that by the end of 2007 I can get pregnant again and offer Hayley a little brother or sister to love and share her life with. For all of those that cannot get pregnant with their first one I am sorry that I am selfish enough to want two. Once you are in my position you will clearly understand, you will be so filled with love that you too will hope for another, and maybe another to share all of your love with. In the mean time, do not give up. The longer you wait the more love you have to give, I truly believe that.

So I'm starting off this year giving thanks for 2006, which is how I like to start off every year. 2006 brought me much happiness, more than 2005. And I just know, I KNOW, that 2007 will bring me even more joy than 2006.

Cheers, and Happy New Year everyone!