The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Dear Hayley,

February 25, 2007

Dear Hayley,

Where do I start? You fill my life with joy and wonder every single day. I can spend hours just looking at you. Just when I think that I have memorized every single detail of your features I discover something new or you grow and become a little more refined. I love watching you sleep, you are always so peaceful and content. Your little eyes close and your breathing softens and I wonder if you dream, and if so, what about?

You are always happy- smiling, laughing now at four months old. You even wake happy and I can't help but laugh and smile with you. We play silly games together- daddy thinks I'm nuts but you and I have our special moments like singing the ABC's and stopping briefly at the letter "P" when we are changing your diaper. You love it when I surprise you and exclaim "BOO". You have the cutest laugh I have ever heard.

I want to spend all of my spare time with you- I rush home from work every night just to have some snuggle time. I get teary eyed when I think that someday you won't want to snuggle anymore and I hope by then that I am ready to let you be your own independent self. I hope that even when you are that grown independent girl, woman, that you still want to come to me to share your life.

I can't believe you are over four months old already. You have taught me that time is too precious and goes too quickly to waste. Before I know it you will be grown. There are so many things that I know I still have to learn, and so many things that I want to be the one to teach you. I am so excited and can't wait for each of those moments between us. We will grow together. In the mean time, keep smiling and laughing my beautiful baby girl- I have waited a long time for you and we will smile and laugh together for the rest of our lives.

I love you my little Hayley Bug!

Mommy

Happy Valentines Day!

Valentines Day has forever been changed in our household. For those that are new to my blog, and as a refresher for those loyal girls that have been with me since the beginning, I guess I will share my Valentines Day 2006 story.

As most of you will remember, we had been trying to conceive for almost two years. Month after month I bought pregnancy tests, only to wrack up hundreds of dollars wasted and much disappointment. I had no reason to believe otherwise last year on Valentines Day, but for routine sake I went ahead and peed on a stick when I first woke up that morning.

Low and behold, a faint pink line appeared. I ran in to my husband (still asleep) and asked him if I could show him something. Typical male, he is thinking "Hell yeah you can show me something, it's Valentines Day!"

The long and the short of it was that we found out we were pregnant on Valentines Day, and I could imagine no better gift. Except the gift of actually holding my baby girl in my arms, which is my gift for Valentines Day 2007. As I type this she is sleeping in my arms (it is amazing how you learn to work with one and a half hands).

I look back on the last twelve months and I realize how many blessings I have been given. I got pregnant after trying for nearly two years, I had a healthy pregnancy, I delivered a healthy baby girl, and now my baby girl is growing in leaps and bounds. I cannot imagine life any other way, and for those still trying to conceive without success- just know that one day whether you are holding your own flesh and blood baby, an adopted baby, or an adopted child, the love in your heart will overcome all of the obstacles that you went through to get to that point. The bitterness and disappointment over time lost will never truly disappear, but it will fade, and all that will be important is the fact that you are now a parent. I wish you all the best.

Happy Valentines Day!