The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Women Bloggers You Are My Hero

I have a blog. It's like one of those things I like to throw out in casual conversation- yeah, I have a blog, you should check it out sometime. I say this knowing full well most people could care less. But my blog does reach some number of people- whether they happen upon it by accident or they bookmark it and come back for a random weekly dose of words.

I didn't just decide one day that I had enough words swimming around to sit down and start blogging. Oh no, I am not nearly that creative. One day I was googling some random infertility term when I came across the most heart wrenching story of infertility which finally turned into motherhood. And the writer had absolutely the most witty way with words. Instantly I wanted to be just like her. I spent hours reading through her old archived blogs. And I thought, she has touched my life in a way that many who know me personally never will.

I became a blog-addict. I spent hours online reading blogs, bookmarking the ones I wanted to follow faithfully and skimming others. I decided that I would blog too, even if no one wanted to read it.

But I must admit, I am but a freshman in the giant school of blogging. There are women who are so incredibly talented that I think I would be intimidated if I ever met them in person. They post pictures to their blogs and I am completely fascinated to put faces to their innermost thoughts.

Originally I thought that I needed to keep my blog completely anonymous. I was scared to death of the possibility that some lunatic could track me down and come to my house. Of course that could still happen, but in the mean time I have decided that if you have been loyal enough to follow my blog, or even enticed enough to click on one specific entry that I will try to allow you a bigger window into my world.

I'm not the best blogger out there, but I learn more and more from fellow Bloggers every day. I have listed the blogs that I read on a daily basis on my blog roll and I encourage you to check them out if you have not already done so. And if you follow my blog and are not listed on my blog roll please drop a comment- I would love to add new literature to my reading list. Make sure you leave your address so I can post it.

This blog is an evolving work of heart. I thank everyone that finds it interesting enough to return. And now is your chance to leave me tips about what you would like to hear more about. Are you interested in motherhood? Career moms? My dangerous addictions as a Type A personality? What brings you back to me? My random posts with no real order? Constructive criticism welcome!

Wordless Wednesday (a little late)

Win a Free Dyson Vacuum!!

Well, not from me. But enter here for the opportunity to win the new limited edition Dyson Pink!

If you don't know me very well then allow me to share- I am a big supporter of breast cancer awareness. I don't have any heartbreaking loss to tell you about. Rather, it has become a bonding experience for me with my mom and sister and it couldn't be for a better cause.

A few years ago my mom invited my sister and I to participate in the Race for the Cure. We went, not realizing 1) how out of shape we were especially in comparison to my fifty year old mother and 2) how much it was going to tug at our hearts to see twenty thousand other people that also supported the cause.

We so loved it that we participate every year and I don't recall if I posted about it or not but Hayley participated in her first ever Race for the Cure this past May.

So anyway, I support anything that supports breast cancer research. And even if I don't win this Dyson I may just go out and buy one anyway!

Hurry Up and Wait

As I was posting on babycenter with my infertility friends (who have gracefully allowed me to continue posting even as I have left their safe circle) a thought hit me. Life in general is the hurry up and wait, not just trying to conceive.

Our recognition starts when we are trying to conceive. We time our life by our cycles, deciding when we can go on vacation, when we can go out for a night with our friends, when we can even enjoy a romp with our husbands. In the beginning we are optimistic. The first few cycles we still smile when we look at the possible dates that our periods could show when reviewing our social calendars.

Somewhere in there we start to realize that it isn't going to be a snap. We aren't going to be our best friends that got pregnant on the first try. We aren't "Fertile Myrtles". Gawd I hate that name. And then the game becomes a waiting game. We start timing our lives based on the two week wait. Everything revolves around this. We can't have a drink because heaven forbid we could be pregnant. We can't take anything stronger than Tylenol for the same reason. We give up all sorts of vices, like caffeine, and deli meat, and fun.

And we hurry up and wait. We count down every single day from the day we believe we ovulated, generally based on mechanical means. You may as well see us, along with all of our internet friends, stroking black lines through the days on the calendar as we count down to the day we can start peeing on sticks.

Oh miracle of miracles, a day may come when we see two pink lines. Or in my case, one pink line (the control) and one line so faint I practically drew it in with the pencil while pointing it out to my husband. And then the game of hurry up and wait gets leaner and meaner.

Let's fast forward through the first three agonizing months. Those that have experienced infertility or loss in any capacity are likely even after three months not to allow themselves the true joy of pregnancy. We are too close to home, and fear rules us. But we are oh so anxious- that terminable two week wait has become essentially a thirty six week wait. We want it to go by quickly, and yet the last few days arrive and we realize there are probably things we still didn't have time to complete.

The baby comes. We spend every single minute enamored. That baby has us wrapped around it's smallest finger before it ever makes its arrival and that is one hundred percent ok with us. We want to spend every second we can with that baby. And yet, somewhere along the way, we want that baby to reach its "milestones" as quickly as possible. So we hurry up and wait.

And while we were hurried, and while we were waiting, we find that the baby is only five weeks away from her first birthday. And I am typing through tears as I realize that her whole life is going to be lived in fast forward from this point forward. I cannot slow it down.

I wish I could "freeze frame", slow-mo, whatever you call it. I want her to reach those milestones, I am so excited for every single one of them. And yet, with each one that she reaches I realize she is that much closer to her independence. One day she will be completely grown, and I will have to hurry up and wait for grandchildren to start the cycle all over again. Just one thing to note, I will be much less intrusive when it comes to asking about having children. I will just have to hope and pray that Hayley never has to go through the heartache that we did.

What inpires you?

You know, got the idea from Beth and I really love how she does Wordless Wednesdays. Today isn't Wednesday. And so far I have too many words already. But just wanted to share a picture that I took this evening. It is beauty like this that inspires me. I think this picture is even more beautiful than the actual sunset was.

Free Ryka Shoes

You may have seen my post back in August about the free shoes at www.ishouldbefoldinglaundry.com.

I'm sad to say I did not win them. But neither did anyone that I know so I don't feel bad. However, Ryka themselves are giving away fifty pairs of shoes a day until October. They are also giving away a boatload of t-shirts, and if their shirts are even half as comfy as their shoes you'll want to enter to win.

Now would I even tell you about something that I hadn't already validated? For real people! I won a t-shirt and I can't wait for it to get here. I would love a pair of shoes but since I already own a pair of comfy Rykas I will be happy to give up my opportunity to win for someone else that possibly doesn't know what they have been missing out on.

These were the only tennis shoes I could wear during my third trimester. And incidentally, the only ones I chose to wear during the first four months of my baby's life. I happened to buy slip ons- the best invention ever for pregnant or new moms. And did I mention how comfy they are?

Good luck!

UPDATE 9/20/07: my free t-shirt got here and it's pretty damn cool. You know how I dig a bargain. And free is the best there is. Oh yeah, and my sister won a pair of shoes. Dig it.

Dear Hayley,

September 7, 2007

Dear Hayley,

Every day with you brings smiles and joy. You are so stinkin' cute, and Dada and I tell you that all the time. Of course, now you know it, even if you don't know what it means!

You have such a personality, you wave and smile at everyone you see. You say "uh-oh" all the time. You call everything "ga". You can say "hi" and "hot" but yet still don't say "dada". However, whenever mommy is holding you and dada walks by you reach out your arms and go to him. You don't want mommy to hold you whenever dada is around, so maybe that makes up that you won't say his name.

We took our eyes off you for five seconds and you were up on the landing after the fourth stair. When I came around the corner you were sitting there smiling. And then you made it up four more stairs before I could climb fast enough to get you down.

You love to share. You want to share your tooty, your bottle, your food, anything you have. Oh, and you blow kisses! It is the cutest thing to watch you put your hand to your mouth and then go "mmaaa" to make the kissing noise. You blow mommy kisses every morning on my way to work.

You love music. We watched the Baby Einstein Orchestra the other day and you were absolutely enthralled. You also love to dance. We went to the river and you danced to Christina Aguilera on the boat.

Oh, and water! You still love the water! We had you in your lifejacket floating at the river for easily two hours and never heard a peep out of you. Of course, you were floating all around looking at all the other people and boats in the cove with dada.

You are such a good baby, and we are just so blessed. I am very sad because you won't be a baby forever. You are already exhibiting your independence and your stubborn streak, which takes after mommy. You squeal at the top of your lungs, ear piercing screams that can be heard outside even with all the doors and windows closed. We aren't very fond of those screams but we know that those too will be outgrown one day.

Next month you will be one year old. WOW. I love you baby girl!

Mommy

Disaster Preparedness Month

This was so damn funny I had to crawl out of bed to come downstairs and blog it. So every night we turn on the news, turn out the lights, and fall asleep. We happened to watch that new Carls Jr commercial about their latest hamburger, couldn't even tell you what the burger was, only that the commercial was about flat buns, "butt minus".

So we're already giggling like idiots and feeling a little punchy. We just start to calm down when the news anchor comes back on saying it is "Disaster Preparedness Month" and gives a list of items we should have on hand for a potential disaster.

You know, radio, flashlight, batteries, water, etc. Several months ago when I bought a magazine subscription I received a free gift. It was a hand crank powered flashlight/fm radio. We cracked open the box all excited about the novelty of this crank radio/flashlight and realized that in order to get enough power for the flashlight to glow any brighter than my husband's old toy ghost from his toddler years we would have to crank it about five thousand revolutions per second. We decided right then and there the free gift would have been better served by just giving me one extra issue of the magazine.

So back to Disaster Preparedness. My husband said "You know, we still have that hand crank flashlight". Me- "no, I haven't seen that thing in ages, do you even know where it is?"

"Yes, it's on my disaster preparedness shelf. Along with an Eatmore Bar". He can pull this off without a smirk.

I start laughing so hard the tears are rolling down my cheeks. There were so many funny things about that comment I don't even know where to start. Disaster Preparedness shelf? You mean the shelf that has been declared a disaster? Next to your Eatmore Bar? Apparently Eatmore Bars have a shelf life of like two thousand years. We brought one home from Canada about six years ago, lost it, found it after we moved, peeled open the wrapper and it's still good.

Word of caution- if there ever is a disaster, don't bother coming to our house. At least we'll laugh like hyenas while the world comes down around us.

Updated Photos

WOW. I had no idea that it had been six months since I posted photos of my little Hayley on the blog. SIX MONTHS.

Crap. Time flies when you're sleep deprived. I only uploaded about four pictures because my computer is slower than a herd of turtles. I'll try to do them more often from now on.

In the mean time, enjoy this cute clip. Sorry I didn't think about keeping the camera straight. I'm still learning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFRv2FkXsSY