The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Random Thoughts

Whenever I can't really focus on a theme for my post I always title it "random thoughts". I know that no one will ever find my lowly blog by searching that term, but for lack of creativity I have to use that header every now and then.

You may be asking where I have been for, oh, a week. We had company in town. And I'm not talented enough to multi-task when we have company around. I feel guilty for spending time on the computer so I usually only sneak like ten minutes here or there. Certainly not enough time to blog. Barely enough time to check my e-mail. And not enough time to check my bank balance. I'm probably overdrawn.

And you may be asking where I will be for oh, another week. Oh yeah, we are leaving for Puerto Rico in two days. At O'Dark Thirty. I'm pretty excited to take Hayley on this trip. Mostly because she can still fly for free on my lap since she is under two. And also because she is at a fun age where she "gets" things. I am expecting it to be harder than when we took her to Hawaii at five months old, of course since she is now so mobile and independent. But I am also expecting it to be more rewarding, as we will get to experience things together.

We are stopping off in Orlando on our way home to take her to Disney World. I know she won't remember it but at least if we never make it back there we can always show her pictures. We're evil parents. We are the parents that will stop taking our children on exotic vacations once they are old enough to remember them. Didn't your parents ever tell you all the fun places you had been? As an infant. When you could really enjoy them.

So you may also be wondering about my lack of posts besides that. I can't tell you why my posts aren't appearing, because it is top secret, but I have secretly been blogging and saving them to drafts. I will post all of them very, very soon. And then you will be inundated with catch up reading. But in the mean time I hope you will continue to check back. I will attempt to post while in Puerto Rico. I actually will have access to the internet while there, although I don't know if I will have the willpower to stay indoors long enough to blog. We will see.

I will definitely have to get my husband to take a picture of my hair while we are there. No doubt it will look just like Monica from "Friends" when they went to the Bahamas. (Or wherever it was). I have this crazy natural curl that kinks up when I get into humidity. It drives my sister in Dallas nuts when we go for a visit because my head turns into a fuzzy mop. See what I mean? Random thoughts.

I will be back online soon. Probably wearing a bathing suit and flip flops, I know you are jealous.

Dear Hayley,

February 21, 2008

Dear Hayley,

Tonight you needed extra snuggle time with Mommy and as I rocked you and watched you fall asleep in my arms I realized just how short our time together really will be.

Just sixteen months ago I was bringing you home, a perfect, tiny baby. You still are a perfectly beautiful little girl, but now you are just that. A little girl. Your features are becoming more distinctive each and every day, as are your personality and your independence.

You amaze me every single day. I absolutely love the sound of your laughter. I cannot believe that you are sixteen months old already. I'm sad because before I know it you will be sixteen years old. I can only hope that at sixteen years old you still look at me with even an ounce of the adoration I see in your eyes now.

I can't promise that I won't embarass you in life, because I likely will, although it will be largely unintentional. I can't promise you that I won't make you angry, because I'm certain that as you reach the age where you need to begin detaching from my embrace I will inevitably make you mad at times. I can't promise you that I won't be a little bit clingy, because I know already how tough it is for me to let you walk on your own without standing right behind you.

I can however promise you that I will give you every opportunity to learn and grow into your independence. I will always try to respect you in a way that I would hope you would respect me. Even if I make you mad, or upset, I will always keep my ears open to fully listen and understand what you are trying to say or do. And yes, I will one day have to let you go.

But until then I will snuggle you extra on the nights that you need it. I will walk behind you letting you feel as if you are completely independent, while remaining close enough that I can catch you if you need it. I will hug you when you are upset and I will try to show you that I really do understand how you feel.

I love you my beautiful little girl.
Mommy

Wordless Wednesday

Thank you Helper Helper

My husband always calls little hands "helper helpers". Usually it means they weren't a help at all. It was so cute- this weekend brought a beautiful day of sunshine so Hayley was out helping Dada wash the car. Except he had already washed it. And dried it. And waxed it. Oh well, it was her first car wash!

Yardwork... And Stuff

It has been fuhreeezing cold here in the desert. Don't let it fool you- just because we live in Hades, it really does get cold here in the winter. Maybe just not as cold as where you are. But still, when the temperature dips below 80 we are all scrambling for our sweatshirts.

That being said, since it has been so cold here, we haven't done any yard work. I mean, it took my husband five months to lay the pavers that we ordered over Labor Day weekend. And unfortunately he severely mis-measured so as of right now we have one third of the walkway done. At this rate the walkway should be completed (maybe) by Christmas.

Today the sun was shining and although it was chilly in the morning my husband went out to start up the mower. Don't get me started about this mower. It takes a special touch to start. As a matter of fact, sometimes it takes about fifty special touches. I think it has become a mission for my husband to keep it, just so that he can talk about how he finally sparks it up every time. "Man, I can't believe I got that mower to start".

Here is one of my favorite pictures from today. This child wants to do everything her Dada does. It is so stinkin' cute. You would think once the real lawnmower sparked to life she would have been scared. Nooo. She was chasing it with her little pink one trying to catch up!

And today, finally, when I looked at my child I saw myself. This expression has me all over it.

A Love Story

Carrying on in the spirit of love as Carrie has done I'm posting my love story. But after you read mine you should go check hers out. I can't get my linkies to work so I'm not as technologically savvy as she is, but still, if you decide to jump on the love train with us then post a comment with your link and I'll be happy to check you out.

So here's the thing, I thought I was in love I don't know how many times before I actually met my husband. I probably could have (would have) been married before I met my husband but the guy never asked. And I'm thankful for that every single day.

I met my husband at a tailgate party at a college football game. Not the most exciting of places to be sure. As a matter of fact, I was dating someone else at the time. But at the time I wasn't as outgoing as I consider myself to be now, and my date was a social butterfly. He was off visiting with all his frat brothers so I was left standing around. The only other person left standing around was my now husband. He was left out because he was just visiting  his cousin, he didn't go to our college, and these weren't his friends.

I think it was two or three football games in a row that he was there and I always knew I could count on him to hang out with me. Things had been pretty rocky with my boyfriend and even though I didn't know at the time that my husband was going to be my husband I did know that my boyfriend was not.

Also at the same time my hairdresser, who happened to be dating one of my boyfriends fraternity brothers (should I draw you a diagram?), kept telling me that she wanted to "hook me up" whenever I decided I was ready. A few weeks after breaking up with my boyfriend I decided I was ready to meet that blind date she raved so much about.

She told me who it was, and I was shocked. THAT guy? I had been hanging out with him for a couple of months! I didn't think there was any chemistry, at least not like she thought there would be. But I went along with it.

I learned that he could cook dinner, and that was pretty big in my book since I was a starving college student. Literally. I actually started spending the night at his house- without a physical relationship- I SWEAR- and realized that he was a ton of fun to hang out with. And super smart. One of the first times I was hanging out there for dinner he beat my pants off at Jeopardy. To be fair, it was the 80's category that he was a whiz on, and he is four years older than me so he has a better recollection of that era.

We spent a full two months together before it hit both of us like a ton of bricks- we were totally in love. It just snuck up on us like that. And once I realized I was in love, I also realized he was THE ONE. He proposed after we had been dating for eight months. We had a one year engagement and have been happily married for eight years. ohmygosh eight years. Where has time gone? That means we have been together for nearly ten years.

His proposal was amazing. Well, when it finally did happen. We went to Canada to visit his family and I was so nervous- I wasn't sure if they would like me, and they are such a tight knit group I was scared of being the outcast. Anyway, we went out for a day of golf with his friends. After we rounded the bend he started asking me "If I make this putt in, will you marry me?"

The first time he said it I laughed. The putt was absolutely impossible. So I said "sure! nothing to lose!". Of course he missed it. Next hole, same thing. By the third time he asked me I finally suggested that maybe he would want to stop jinxing his putts and stop asking me to marry him. He played the entire back nine this way and by the last hole I was so peeved with him I could barely stand it. We hadn't even discussed marriage (besides me showing him a few rings I liked a few months before) so I thought he was being rather cheeky.

We went back to the cabin at Waskesiu with his friends. We all sat around the fire, had a few cocktails, and then decided to walk to the lakeshore to watch The Northern Lights. If you have never seen them you simply must add them to the list of things to do in your lifetime. Amazing.

We were standing, hugging, on the shore of the lake and his friends were at a bit of a distance. He whispered in my ear "Will you marry me?". I was definitely peeved, as I thought, this guy has some nerve. All day he asked me this question with absolutely no intent to follow through. So I debated how I should answer him.

In the end I whispered back, yes. He immediately shot back "What took you so long?" At which point I guess the adrenaline kicked in because I felt dizzy. He pulled a small box out of his pocket and slipped a ring on my finger. It was pitch black outside but he had specifically brought a flashlight so he could show me the ring.

We laughed, cried, hugged, kissed, and laughed some more, knowing that it was the beginning of a beautiful love story. And I will say, we have been blessed in our relationship. So many of our friends have struggles, I can honestly say we do not. We have a rock solid foundation and we totally respect one another. I know for sure I couldn't have made a better choice, and I also know that there was a greater force guiding me. He is most definitely the love of my life and makes me laugh every single day.

Happy Valentines Day Sweetie!

Wordless Wednesday

My Newest Obsession

By the way, whoever invented this thing, YOU ROCK. This is the coolest thing I have ever seen. And I totally can't wait for the weather to heat up so we can use it. Every day. Even workdays.

I have but one complaint, and that is that the machine is terribly loud and it gyrates so much I'm afraid it is going to walk right off the counter. But other than that, the cool slushy beverages that come from the spout are second to none. I made a non-alcoholic beverage for my first batch and I must say, it was AWESOME. I absolutely cannot wait to make up my first frozen lemonade with rum. Yum.

Kids Say the Darndest Things.

We went to hang out with my best friend and her family for the weekend. I just love my best friend and I don't get to see her enough so the little time that we do get to spend together is especially cherished.

She has forged headfirst into Mommyhood and has been my role model. She is such a confident mother that I can't help but aspire to be somewhat like her. Of course, she puts up with waaaay more than I ever would but I suppose that The Good Lord knew what he was doing when he gave her two boys on top of her husband. I'm going to have to trust Him on that one. He must have known me pretty well because he did give me a husband that knows my quirks and loves me anyway and a beautiful daughter. Although He also gave me a dose of my own medicine as she has my temper. But I digress.

So the weekend was much too short but I thought I would share this conversation that I overheard between my best friend and her younger son, who is soon to be five.

My friend, "J, remember, you have to learn when your birthday is for your school work this week. So when is your birthday?"
J: "Umm. March one thirty-two buttcracker"

Bless my best friend. I'm snorting Coke from my nose and she didn't even bat an eye. She said "Well, you got the March part right."

I love children for their entertainment factor. Most of all, I love my best friend. I'm certain if that had been Hayley I would probably have had a harsh reprimand. I will have to remember that type of response when Hayley exercises her imagination as she gets older.

Wordless Wednesday

Not So Divine Secret Number Four

Oh yes, you will love this one. Some Mommies learn this one immediately. Some, like me, take a little longer to figure it out.

There is an entire INDUSTRY built around those whimsical purchases that we make as parents. Have you ever received a catalog from one of those baby gadget places? Have you ever looked through the catalog proclaiming, "Genius, I tell you! Wish I had invented that! I simply must have one of these."

Yep. Not So Divine Secret Number Four is: you really don't NEED most of that stuff. Allow me to give you a few examples.

As cute as they are, bikinis for baby girls are useless and impractical. I know this because Hayley owned four of them last summer. And now that my eyes have opened and the novelty of having a little girl has worn off I have purchased a rash guard shirt to wear with her swim diaper. The end.

Diaper Pails. I can't remember but I think at one point I posted about whether diaper pails were a worthy investment or not. A good friend of mine replied that they were pretty useless, advice that I did not heed. I registered for and received one. And just because it has this nifty little diaper chute does not mean that it eradicates the unpleasant aroma of stinky diapers. Then: I used the diaper pail with glee. Now: I put each diaper in a ziploc bag and throw it over the stair railing to be whisked to the outdoor trash can as soon as I get downstairs. It works.

Shoes. For babies. Forget it. Their little feet are like soft, rectangular bricks. If you plan on putting anything other than moccasin style shoes on them you are going to have to learn for yourself. They don't fit. And they really don't look comfortable either. Just remember when you were ten months pregnant. How did it feel to stuff your feet into real shoes? Cut your baby some slack and pass on the cutesy shoes until they are older.

Oh yes, how can I forget, the wipe warmer. I thought we needed one of these so badly I sent my husband out to buy it the day after we got home with the baby. Dutiful husband that he is, he brought one home, poured in the water, and hooked it up. Approximately two days later all the water had evaporated leaving the entire case of wipes warmed, and completely dried out. We wrapped it back in the original box that the trash man thankfully had not taken just yet and took it back. Skip the wipe warmer.

These are but a very few of the items you could possibly get sucked into buying, or registering for so your childless friends can get sucked into buying them. A word of advice- if they didn't have it when you were growing up you probably still don't need it. Any useless items you can think of to add to the list?

And the Resolution to THAT Conversation

I worked up the courage to bring up the conversation again. Let me tell you, I don't remember the last time I had the butterflies about having a conversation. I mean, and not that I enjoy it, but I have fired people before with less butterflies.

So anyway, I waited eight days. EIGHT DAYS. And he didn't bring it back up, so I thought maybe I better ask again. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I debated though whether I should wait for him to have a few cocktails or if I should go at it stone cold sober. I opted for sober. So that at least we would both remember it.

It kind of worked out though- since we spent yesterday at a Super Bowl party that our friends host annually. And of course the first question from everyone (that we only see once a year) was "So when are you having another one?" And not-so-coy-me kept telling them, when my husband says yes. I'm sure he heard me. I was not only not very coy but I was also not very quiet.

At any rate, I think the seed had been planted from the week before. So I waited again until we were curled up in bed last night. I asked "So, that question about having another baby..."

His response was, "Well, when were you thinking? Like the end of summer?" And I knew at that point that I better not push my luck. So I told him that I thought we should see if we bring a souvenir home from Puerto Rico next month and if not then yes, we would wait until the end of summer. Right after Labor Day weekend to be specific.

"Fair enough". His response was so typically male. We just struck a bargain. Like selling a used car. Or trading some tools. You know, having a second baby. Fair enough. And the second part after that was "At least I know I'll be getting it at least once while we are on vacation". So if we are lucky enough to bring home a souvenir we won't be telling our child exactly how we got to that point. Just that it happened.

I don't really expect to hit the lottery while we are in Puerto Rico so I'm guessing it will be closer to Hayley's second birthday that we really start trying again. And while I'm a little disappointed that we still have oh, eight months before that happens, I'm also happy that we do have a target date in mind. And I'm relieved that we were able to have that conversation quite civilly. I was thinking after my first approach that I was going to have to go in for the crash landing. Whew.

THAT Conversation

So last weekend I decided it was high time to initiate THAT conversation with my husband. You know, the one that begins with begging & pleading, moves on to arguing, and eventually results in having a baby.

I have been thinking it over in my head. I guess it has been about four years since I initiated the first conversation and I can't really remember how I did it that time. Except maybe I did it when we were drinking. Because then I know he would be open to it and that would explain why I can't remember it.

So I finally worked up the courage to talk to him about having another baby. We were both snuggled up in bed on a Saturday night. I timidly asked "So, what would it take for you to start thinking about wanting to have another baby?".

His response was akin to what I imagine you would do if you were being mauled by a bear. His breathing turned shallow and he played dead. For like two minutes there was no response. Seriously, I'm not going to believe that you just magically fell asleep right before I asked that question.

I laughed, he laughed. So I waited for two more minutes. No. Really. I was expecting a response. Instead of repeating the question (that I knew full well he heard the first time) I said "Do you want me to tell you what I think?".

He groaned and said "Awwww. Do we HAVE to talk about this tonight?"

End of discussion. And it has been almost a whole week, so I'm wondering just how I'm going to find the courage to bring it up again.