If this sounds morbid, well, it is. But now that we have one child with another on the way we realized we needed to be responsible and get our affairs in order. Affairs. Like we are somebody special. I would say "estate" but we don't really have one of those either and it sounds just as snooty.
So anyway, we ran through the long list of our family members that we know and love to try and determine who we know and love enough to entrust the care of our children should we both be gone. Have you ever done this? I mean, really, really done it? As in committed it to a black and white will at the age of 32 or younger? Because it is enough to crush your heart.
It sounds simple, in theory. You choose someone that you know would take care of your child and then you tell your lawyer and they draw up papers. Except when you start thinking about what your child's life will be like after you are gone. Will the new caretaker know that your child loves to give not one but two hugs every night before bed? Will they know that your child gets rocked every single night for the first song on their sleepytime cd? Will they do those things even if they do know them? Your child will never be able to call out "Mommy" and have you answer, will they someday call their new caretake mommy in your place?
I am heartbroken. I am sitting here, crying all over again, because I pray that NEVER EVER happens. I want my children to grow up as I did, loving their parents, hating them at times, but always knowing them. And the thought that we could both be gone at the same time, well, I can't even imagine it. Because of how deep this has cut my heart I have realized how very short my time with my child (soon to be children) really is. It hits me almost every single day since we started talking about this in earnest. Not one day has gone by where I haven't thought about how terrible it would be for our children if both their mother and father were gone.
So in the mean time I am going to live every single day without regret. I am going to try my hardest to be more patient, more kind, more understanding, more gentle, and just overall more involved in my child's life. Heaven forbid if there ever is a day where I am gone from her life I want her to know exactly how much I treasured every single moment.
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