You know, some people are really "baby" people. They totally love the baby stage of childhood. They revel in it. When you are infertile, you are a baby person. You revel in that tiny marvelous miracle. You live it, breathe it, hope it, and dream it. This is not to say that only infertile people are baby people. Others can be baby people too.
I was worried when I first had Hayley because even after two years of infertility I just didn't feel very GOOD at being a mother. I thought that after all of my heartache I would really just LOVE being a mommy. I did. But I didn't feel like I was a great mommy. I kept thinking I was missing something.
Somewhere around three or four months old (just when I had to go back to work) it all finally started clicking for me. I was getting into a groove, I felt like I finally started to understand my baby and my own intuitions as a mother. But also somewhere around that time Hayley really started developing her own personality, which is what I think made it much more rewarding for me. The interaction between us became truly two way and I could see that things I was doing were being reciprocated.
All things said, I love being a mommy. Really love it. Don't get me wrong, some days I am cranky. Some days I am impatient. I wish I could be better about those days. But most days I am so in love with parenthood and all the little joys every day brings.
Last night for example, we were sitting at the dinner table. Hayley took her chicken nuggets one in each hand and was making karate motions with them. At first we didn't get what she was doing. Then we remembered that the babysitter took her to the movies on Friday and they watched Kung Fu Panda. She was imitating the movie. It was so stinkin' cute we laughed for ten minutes.
This morning she was watching Little Einstein. I am sitting here on the computer (as usual) and my husband was reading a Mazda brochure. We both look over at her sitting on the couch and she is quietly flapping her arms away. We glance at the tv and there is a bird flying through the air. She is flying like a bird. Again, so stinkin' cute. I asked her if she was flying like a bird and she said "yeah" and kept flying.
I love having a toddler. She amazes me. She is so smart (aren't they all?). She speaks oh-so-clearly. I am just so blessed that I have been entrusted with this tiny perfect being to raise, to love, and to nurture.
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