Creating a Nightmare?

I remember when Hayley was around 13 weeks old. I had just gone back to work and the full force of working 40 plus hours a week and dealing with an infant was taking it's toll. When I was home on maternity leave I rocked Hayley to sleep every single night. Sometimes she would fall asleep quickly and other times I would rock her for an hour, but I did it.

When I got back to work I realized how very tired I was. I also realized that if I had to rock her to sleep every single night that I would never just be able to lay her down and have her fall asleep. I had read all the advice from experts- lay your baby down and let them learn to self soothe. I remarked one night that I was creating my own nightmare and my husband's response was "Why? Because you are treating her like a baby?". And I guess that really hit home with me.

Yes, she was a baby. What did it really hurt to rock her to sleep and treat her like a baby? So I kept on. Sometimes it was really tough. Sometimes I would rock her for an hour, she would still be awake and I would lay her down. She would cry for fifteen minutes and I would go back in. By then she was so tired that when I would rock her she would fall asleep and I could put her down.

And when Sam came, well, she was a preemie. I hated leaving her in the hospital so it was like I was making it up to her by holding her all the time. And now she doesn't like to be set down at all. She sleeps in our bed. I can't lay her in her own bed because she is such a light sleeper and is so restless. She also doesn't suck on the pacifier very well. Actually, she sucks on it just fine but you have to hold it in her mouth. It is ridiculous.

I feel bad, but I keep debating, do I put her in her bed and let her cry? Or do I rock her? So right this minute she is so exhausted she fell asleep in my arms. I laid her in her crib and she woke. Screaming. I waffle. I go through moments where I can't stand the though of leaving her to cry so I go pick her up and rock her. And the next day I start over with iron resolve that I am going to teach her to self soothe and teach her to sleep in her own bed. And really, really this time I AM creating my own nightmare.

I think my indecisiveness is enabling her. Because I am not consistent I think she doesn't know what to expect. I am not worried about creating a spoiled child. Hayley eventually learned to go to sleep all by herself- somewhere around the ten month mark. More I am worried about having a child that can never sleep anywhere but next to Mom.

What do you think?

Comments

[Mrs M]

Jenn - You know what I think honey. You will never get this time back, but if you are two tired you wont enjoy it half as much as you should. My problem is that if you don't aloow Sam to learn how to fall asleep herself you will be in for many sleepless nights. It may not be so much of a problem now whilst she is still such a baby, but believe me it's difficult with a 3 year old toddler. You will decide what is best for you and Sam - but remember she wont always be this small and usually things just kind of 'work out'.

[Megan]

I say let her cry it out....better now than later when she can talk! What would you rather listen too...crying for a bit or a 3 year old saying....MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY! I would pick the crying anytime...much easier to deal with! I know it is super hard. You have to do what is right for you! But the sooner the better in my humble opinion!!!