For the Record

I just want to be sure I set this straight. For the record, I did tell my husband what happened.

I would never, ever want to intentionally disrespect my husband. If he feels like we are done having children and I feel we have room for one more then it means we have some talking to do. If we can't come to some sort of compromise then it means we would have to agree to disagree and let it be. But I would never, EVER not use birth control on purpose to trick him into having another one.

It's just that it has really been weighing on my mind. How could I possibly have forgotten that I was not on birth control. No, really. REALLY. How could I have forgotten that it had been eleven days?

I write this with mixed emotions. There are so many people out there- friends of mine even- that want desperately to have children. And I have two. I am thankful every single day and based upon the almost two years that it took us to get pregnant with Hayley I do realize that I am blessed to even have two. I just think I want one more. And not to be greedy by wanting one more- but feeling a little protective of the two that I have- wanting them to have more. This isn't all about me- this is all about my children and the lives they will lead.

So the last three days I have spent really reflecting. Having another baby would mean alot of things. It would mean giving up coffee, which some days is the only thing that gets me moving. It would mean not lounging by the pool with any adult beverages. It would mean more sleepless nights. More diapers. Possibly renovating my home to accommodate another bedroom. Giving things up- like trips to the Coach store. A few more wrinkles. Some more gray hair to cover up. It would mean there would be no man on man defense. It might mean there is always one odd man out.

It would also mean more snuggles. Kisses. Little voices saying "Mommy, I am so glad you are here!". And "Mommy, I love you soooo much!". It would mean that if one child gets in trouble and the other is not permitted to hug them that the two siblings of the one in trouble could get on either side of the trouble maker and squish them in between so they would get a hug without anyone knowing they are hugging the offending party. (Incidentally- that is something my mom said we used to do when my baby sister was in trouble).

So, is the book closed on this? Maybe. Maybe not. I did convince my husband to go for number two- and in just the nick of time I guess because I convinced him to try at the end of the summer and we found out two weeks later that apparently there were other plans for us. We'll see. I don't believe there is any likelihood that I would be pregnant so please don't think that I will be making any grand announcements in two weeks. But I will say that the fear of what could have happened does ring loud in my ears and it has gotten me thinking.

And for my parents that read my blog religiously but asked so innocently the other day if we are done- the answer is, "We'll just have to see."

 

Comments

[Crys]

I'm hoping things work out as you like them to, and I know that you two will be able to handle whatever comes. I've forgotten a couple of times just being busy trying to get the boys off to school and early mornings. I finally had to just go and set a reminder on my cell phone. It's kept me better about remember to take my pill.

[Mrs M]

It's not valentines day Jenn!!!
What will be will be honey, I hope you manage to reach a decision you are both happy with. I'd vote for one more!!

[Kimmie]

Jenn~

As a mother of 7, I would have to disagree with your statement that 'having more would mean less for the two you have.'

Now, I must tell you that I don't think 7 is a lot of children. At one point I had one and thought similar thoughts as you shared, but then God began to show me differently. He opened my eyes to James 1:27- the verse that mandates us as Christians to take care of orphans.

We stepped out trusting God with #2, then #3, and then #4,5,6 (who came together as a sibling group) and #7 (which was a long period of trusting and waiting on God). With each child added to our midst, our love has expanded, God has provided and increase has flooded over our lives. I will admit I don't shop 'Coach', so this wasn't anything I had to 'give up.'

As I submit my life to God (and to my husband's authority) I find God increasing me in ways I never expected. I find Him more able to use my life to impact and influence others for His Kingdom.

Just yesterday I was sitting on the deck with the baby (#7) who was enjoying herself in her new baby pool. Her siblings were playing in the yard and helping their father with various yard jobs...they all would occasionally stop to kiss the baby or spend time 'splashing' in her pool. My heart welled up with joy, as I thought how blessed my children were to have more siblings than most of the world...how much they have because they now have each other.

Okay, just sharing because I wonder if God doesn't have an adoption in your future. Yes, it does cost money...(less if you do it through foster care)...but it does require a surrendered heart to God and letting Him decide if your quiver is full.

Praying for you Jenn and believing God for your life. Seek God on adoption, I think He has some things to tell you and your Knight.

hug;
Kimmie
mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted

[KTP]

Wow, Kimmie, that is some serious spreading of the Word, there. Congratulations on all your blessings, and kudos to having the courage to throw out the idea of submitting to your husband's authority in this pro-Mom forum. Zounds!