It has been so long since I have even posted any of my revelations about motherhood that I don't even know what secret number this would be.
I find that before I was a mother it all appeared so cut and dried. Your child misbehaved, you disciplined them. Your child's face was dirty, you washed it. You were serving spaghetti for dinner, they ate it. You were going out to eat, you changed their clothes and combed their hair.
HA! I don't know if I could have been further from the truth! So yes, my child misbehaves, and I discipline her. But in my wisdom of motherhood I have learned that you choose your battles. Sometimes I do choose to overlook that little tantrum because I know that I am going to need my strength and resolve for the next one- a much bigger one. Before I had kids I really had no concept. Everything for me was very simple.
My kids faces get dirty- and I wash them. And wash them. And wash them. Sometimes their faces are dirty and I don't wash them. That doesn't mean I don't love my kids. It doesn't mean that I don't care. It means that at some point I have to let them be children- and that means that there is going to be a little smudge here or there. It's ok.
Ahhh, the dinner thing. Or lunch. Or breakfast. My child is a picky eater. It is not because I did not offer her a variety of foods as a baby nor is it because I am only forcing my favorite foods on her. It is just her. She just has likes and dislikes. Granted, my husband worries that if we don't offer her something she WILL eat that she will starve. I beg to differ. I offer lots of things I know she likes to eat- she just doesn't want to eat them right that moment so I am not going to chase her around running through the list of the ten items she will eat until she settles on one. If she is hungry enough she will eat. Maybe that will be what I am serving, maybe not. But I am not going to prepare special meals for her separately from ours. And that's alright too.
The last one- we go out to eat so we change their clothes and comb their hair. Where do I start with this one? Meal time in my home is not a peaceful time. Ever. It's always a battle. It's too close to nap time or bed time. They are hungry before I can get the food on the table. They are distracted. So going out to eat for us at this stage in their lives, while possible, is not usually pleasant for us. For example, we went to IHOP for breakfast for Mother's Day. I did get the girls dressed and got Hayley's hair combed. I even got my own hair combed (imagine that!). But it took me an hour and a half just to get us out the door. And then breakfast got cut short because it was nap time, Sam bonked her head on the table while sitting in the high chair and Hayley wanted nothing to do with her own breakfast. Oh the joys.
Honestly, the most Not-So-Divine-Secret about Motherhood is that nothing is ever as it appears. It will be different for every single mother out there- and that's ok too. There is no real rule book. Your rules are your own. Once you figure out that you don't have to live up to anyone else- and that you can even modify your OWN rules as you go- then you will realize just how much work fun it all really is.
What a great post. Especially to the ones that don't have children yet. You help me understand a lot of things. Thank you! I hope everything is going well with you. Miss you!
Kami
Posted by: Kami | May 23, 2009 at 08:40 AM
Jenn - do you live in my house? I could have written this post myself honey. You are my hero!
Posted by: Mrs M | May 24, 2009 at 12:27 PM