Rules for Road Trips

After having just driven twenty nine hours straight in a car with a two and a half year old and a nine month old I have decided to share the rules for road trips with you. You know, so you will benefit from my pain knowledge.

1. The first rule- there are no rules.

2. It is perfectly acceptable to allow your two ear old to stay up all night watching DVD's while you are on the road. Bedtime? Nonsense. After all, if you make them go to sleep at a reasonable hour who is going to keep you company at three am?

3. Beef Jerky for breakfast is A-OK.

4. Chewing peppermint gum in lieu of brushing your teeth for more than 24 hours is completely hygienic. I am sure there is a dentist out there that would recommend it if you ask the gum manufacturer.

5. The basic food groups are not meat, dairy, fruits/veggies, and grains. The basic food groups are sweets, chips, beef jerky, and Rockstar. You must eat a minimum of three servings from each group for every six hours  spent in the car to ensure that you have consumed a healthy road trip diet.

6. Don't bother organizing the contents of the car before you embark on your road trip. It is part of the excitement of a road trip to drive down the road after not sleeping for 24 hours with one hand on the wheel and the other hand submerged in the chaos behind the seat to locate the sippy cup your infant just threw over and now can't live without.

7. Whatever you do- DO NOT wash the bugs off your windshield at every stop. You will need them in the middle of the night to reaffirm your hallucinations that you see a deer on the side of the road ready to leap into the path of your speeding overloaded car.

8. Make friends with everyone at the truck stop. You will want to know who you are laughing at when they blow your doors off and then you pass them later as they are getting a ticket.

9. Close your eyes whenever entering a roadside bathroom. Don't open them until you are back in your car.

10. No matter how well you prepare or how many snacks you stuff into them your children will be over the thrill of a road trip within the first two hours. Buying them trinkets at every truck stop will only add to the amount of stuff you will have to clean out of the car after the trip. Save your money and just ignore their cries of boredom.

And finally- eventually it will end. You will arrive at your destination where you will likely consume large amounts of alcohol and hopefully build up enough energy to get back in the car and do it all over again to get home.

Comments

[Crys]

I like the idea of letting them stay up late the night before the road trip ... never thought of that one. Way to go on surviving that!

[Minnie]

Thank you for that. I literally just laughed out loud.
Half of me feels bad for you and the other half would have hopped in the car with you for entertainment purposes.
Drink up.