Reflections on the NICU

How appropriate that today, of all days, the hospital held their annual NICU Reunion.

One year ago, today, we got to bring Baby Sam home. You might remember, she was there ten days. You also might remember, I was a wreck. Beyond a wreck, I was barely functioning. It was ten days of pure Hell.

The day I brought her home, the 27th of September, was the greatest day of my life.

We aren't very good about opening our mail. If it appears to be any form of junk mail I typically rip it right in half before ever opening it. Either that, or it goes straight in the shredder. So when we received a piece of mail from the hospital (and it didn't resemble a bill) I left it on the counter and forgot about it. Fast forward a couple of weeks and as I sorted the mail I realized I never opened it.

Friday night when I opened the envelope it had a card inside. An invitation to an annual NICU Reunion. I already threw it out so I can't quote exactly, but it said something to the effect that by having had a premature baby we joined an elite group of parents that will share a lifelong bond. That hit me right between the eyes. I knew instantly that I wanted to take Sam back. I called even though it was well past the RSVP date and asked if we could still attend.

Lucky for us- we could. I had often wanted to drop a line to the NICU nurses to let them know that time had healed my hatred. It hasn't healed my heart though- and I still have tears after re-reading my blog about my pre-term labor and Sam's stay in the NICU. And also I must say, I really wanted to take Sam back so they could see what a beautiful, healthy child she is.

The first person we saw there was the doctor responsible for discharging her. I love that woman. She took photos of Sam (even if she doesn't remember her). We also saw the counselor that spent much time trying to talk me through my depression. I didn’t care much for her while I was going through the heartache but today when I looked at her I felt guilty for taking out so much of my anger on her. We saw one of the nurses that was often on duty while we were there and she took one look at Sam and said she actually looked the same as when she was there. Which is true- the only thing about Sam that has changed has her eyelashes have grown in.

We sat at a table with other NICU parents- some whose children stayed four times as long as Sam. Some who had multiple premature births and therefore went through the NICU experience more than once. Some whose children are not healthy. It was a real eye opener.

I have a beautiful baby girl. She really isn’t a baby anymore- as she is walking, and starting to talk, and growing up right before our very eyes. I was glad to have been invited to the NICU Reunion and I know that I will make the time to go back every year that I receive the invite.

It has also reminded me that I have unfinished business to attend to. The blanket that I began knitting months and months ago needs to be finished. I would like to write a letter to the staff of the NICU and thank them for the kind things they did while Sam was there but that I refused to see. And it reminded me again that I need to be thankful- ever so thankful- for my beautiful little girl that is healthy and strong.

Comments

[Crys]

That is really sweet that they hold events like that. How wonderful to be able to bring Sam back and show her off. :)

[Missy @ The Marketing Mama]

What a touching post. How wonderful for you to go back and talk to some of those providers. My grandfather is in hospice care right now and the nurses are doing such a good job taking care of him that I feel compelled to do something nice for them, too. :)