The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Dear Samantha,

November 30th, 2009

My Dearest, Sweetest Baby Girl,

Where has time gone? Seriously, I don't even know the last time I sat down and wrote you a love note, and that makes me very sad. See, time goes much faster than we expect, and when that happens it is good and bad. You grow up before our very eyes, and as parents we wish for you to hit all those milestones, but then we sit down one day and realize three months have gone by in the blink of an eye. Soon you will be going off to kindergarten, going to your first dance, driving a car, and then moving off to college. I can't think about those things right now or I will have a nervous breakdown.

I don't think this is anything I have mentioned before but for some reason I am prepared to share it with you now- the first six and a half months of your life were among the hardest I have faced as a mother. I don't know how to describe it- other than to tell you that I honestly believe I might have had Post Partum Depression.

I hope that someday you will know me, and know my strength. I have been blessed with my grandmother and mother before me to show me how hold my head high and deal with whatever life sends my way. I hope to someday pass this along to you. But there are some things that might not be within your control.

I didn't truly understand why you were such a difficult baby- and now, looking back, I realize you were not the difficult baby at all. I think I was living under a cloud and did not realize it. It has taken me many months to be able to recognize and just as many months to verbalize it, but tonight as I put you to bed I realized that the last eight months with you have been the very best months I have ever had.

Tonight, I was putting you to bed, and I realized how much joy you have brought into my life. I realize that on a daily basis-but for some reason tonight felt extra special. Do you know that you are my danger child? You have absolutely no fear. You have the sweetest giggle. You almost never cry- and I mean never. You smile all the time. You have the best temperament- you are your Daddy through and through when it comes to that. You are my snuggler- and I absolutely cannot get enough of that. You will come and lay your head on my shoulder every now and then and no matter what I am doing I will make time to snuggle with you.

You are talking like crazy now. You say "up, down, hi kitty, thank you, mommy, daddy, and eye" to name a few. I suspect one day you will surprise us and will just start speaking in complete sentences. Actually, that would not really surprise me.

You just make Mommy's life so much fun I can't believe I was blessed this way. I can say with certainty, and this is not fair, but there will be things Hayley will get to do that you won't because she is older. But let me assure you, there will most definitely be things you will get away with that Hayley would not have, because you are my baby. Forever my baby.

I love you sweet girl, Love, Mommy.

Childrenisms

Childrenisms. You know what they are. Those words that kids invent when they can't say the right word, or can't pronounce it. I love them- and I always tell myself I am going to write down all of Hayley's Childrenisms so that one day we can look back and giggle together. I am sure that most of them have already been forgotten, but this morning she told me a new one and that reminded me that I needed to post about this. So here are a few of my absolute favorites, and if I remember any I will add them later.

Grungebob Prayer Pants. (Spongebob Square Pants)

Baby Soup. (Bathing Suit)

More Downer. (As in, I want my window put "more downer")

 

Are we absolutely nuts?

I know I haven't posted much about our move to Phoenix- and for various reasons. First of all I have been working like a dog- getting up and signing in to the computer at 5am to start working, staying late, and working after I get home. Second, my husband finally discovered Facebook after a year of prodding him to join. Since he is still in the infatuation stage it means he is online all the time. And, thanks to dial-up, only one of us can use the computer at a time.

So anyway- to fill in some blanks, we went to Phoenix two or three weeks ago and started scoping out the housing situation. First we were dead set on buying something. Then dead set on renting something until we could figure out which areas we really wanted to focus on. Then back to buying- because we can't stand the thought of throwing money away on rent. And because we couldn't stand the thought of moving yet again, considering all the moving we have done these last few months. And again, back to renting, because my sister is going to move to Phoenix with us and initially she, her partner, their fourteen month old, and their three dogs are going to live with us until they have adequate time to figure out their own housing situation.

The problem is, if you were a landlord, would you want to rent to four adults, three small children, three dogs, and two cats? Yeah? Me either. Matter of fact, when we were renting out our home we did have someone in a similar situation. A set of parents, their two grown children, the grown children's significant others, and four dogs. We said no. Numerous times. Their realtor kept calling us, and he sounded pretty desperate to get his people into a rental. I pictured the same despair in our realtor's voice as she called property managers trying to find us a short term rental. Oh yeah, and throw in there that we only wanted a six month lease because we didn't want to be locked into renting forever.

So yeah, just based upon this information I am certain you are nodding in agreement. We are nuts. Even more nuts? We went ahead and made an offer to buy a home instead. In an area we haven't even checked out yet. On a home we haven't even seen in person. We found out this morning the offer was accepted. Great news, right? Well, it will be, if we get loan approval! Yeah, add to that equation that we have only begun the loan process and have not yet confirmed we have financing. But I guess that isn't all that different from the home we went into contract on back in May- we didn't have loan approval then either and that all came together. I have faith.

Umm, yeah, I'm nuts. And crazy enough, I am already totally in love with this house. I have a copy of the floorplans which I was able to obtain online and yes, I have even drawn in my furniture with colored pencils. The best part? It has a basement.... Funny that we started this process to buy a home with a basement back in May. And yes, sounds like we will still get our home with a basement, even if it IS in another state.

If you don't hear from me for awhile you will hopefully know why. My husband is Facebooking. I am working. And packing. And stressing about trying to close escrow in 30 days so we can relocate. Oh yeah, and closing down my branch. In the middle of the holiday season. I don't really have much going on- I don't know why I am throwing out excuses?

Ahhh,'tis the season...

 

My apologies to all the dads out there

A few weeks ago when I picked Hayley up from pre-school we could not find her sweater. It was one of my favorites and I was bummed. I checked the classroom I drop her off in every morning, I checked the classroom I pick her up in, and I checked her own classroom. I checked the lost and found.

In one of the classrooms I searched there was a sweater that was remarkably similar to the one I was looking for and therefore I believed that someone else had taken home Hayley's sweater and accidentally left theirs.

I told my husband that we lost her sweater. Even though I described it in minute detail to him he still had no idea which one I was talking about. So I told him that I figured that was exactly what happened. Some dad picked up their kid at school, grabbed a sweater, and away they went. I told my husband that I expected once the sweater got home the mom would know that it wasn't theirs just by one glance and that I was hoping Hayley's sweater would come back to school the next day. A week went by without the sweater being returned and then I gave up hope. But I still blamed the dad for not knowing what his kid's clothing looked like.

Another week went by and I happened to pop my head into another classroom to talk to one of the other teachers. I'm sure you know where this story is going. I found Hayley's sweater. The other teacher sometimes brings the kids to her classroom in the morning and apparently that was why Hayley's sweater was there. The teacher noticed it had been there for a few weeks but didn't know where it came from so she left it hanging on the coat hook.

Of course, as soon as I called my husband with the joyous news that my favorite sweater had been located, he immediately pointed out that I owed all those dads an apology for wrongly accusing them of taking it. So here goes.

Dear Pre-school Dads,

Please accept my heartfelt apology for wrongly accusing you of not knowing your own child's clothing from someone else's. The fact that there might be two sweaters that look exactly alike (alas, different brands) is definitely something that is not your fault. The fact that some obsessive mothers such as myself do know every detail of their children's clothing down to which seam is coming loose is also not your fault. You are forgiven.

Signed, The Obsessive, Overbearing, Judgemental Pre-School Mommy

Status? Anyone interested?

My days are consumed with all the necessary evils of shutting down a branch operation of a major company. My nights are consumed with poring over real estate listings and rentals trying to locate a home to live in. My lunch hours are consumed with trying to locate child care in the greater Phoenix area.

Needless to say, I just barely realized it has been two weeks since I last posted anything. If I am fortunate enough to have any readers left I better get online and give you all some updates a little more often huh?

Ok, so I have been to Phoenix four times in the last four weeks, including two trips in one week. Each time I have gone I have been so excited that I haven't wanted to come home, I just want to stay there. Maybe that's more because I don't really want to come home and have to pack up our stuff. Again. For those that might not know, we just moved into this short term rental three months ago. It took us two months to pack up all our stuff to even move here, I don't even want to think about the chaos that is definitely going to ensue when we have to pack up our crap here and move yet again.

We are looking at housing in Phoenix, and childcare, and the commute... Ohmygosh what is with the traffic there? So there are like four million people, and they all work... In the same five square miles of the city?

But we are excited. Do you know that citrus trees grow like wild there? I mean, every house has citrus trees. They have so much citrus it just falls on the ground and rots. Just out of the sake of curiosity, why would you plant five orange trees, two grapefruit trees, and one lemon tree? Because the house we are considering buying has that much citrus planted in the backyard. Would that technically qualify as a "Grove"? Is that where the fruit that the guys sell on the side of the road comes from? Will I need to hire migrant workers to come and harvest my crops?

I am certain I have already said this- but they have a state lottery. (Yeah, I know, most states except Nevada have one). It's the small things in life that make me happy. They have "Los Taquitos" in Ahwautukee. (As in, "Diners, Drive-In's and Dives) And yes, those little chicken tacos really are as "Off da hook" as Guy Fietti claims they are. We drove all the way there from North Scottsdale on one of our trips just to check it out. Mmmm. They have citrus. Growing like wild. They have professional sports. (which I really could care less about but my husband is kind of excited about) They are only about 13 hours from Dallas- which is good because maybe I will actually drive out to see my sisters more often. They have "pokeys" in abundance. (My husband's word for cactus)

You know, I am really excited about this move. Actually, I just want to move and be done with it so we can try and finally settle our lives. We have had so much uncertainty for the last few months that it would be nice to just know that we made it. Actually, it would really be nice to hit the lottery. And yes, I did buy tickets every time we have visited.

Daddy's Helper-Helper

The fridge in our rental was leaking so my husband set out to fix it. Along the way he acquired a helper-helper. And in case you can't see that well, she isn't standing nearby, she is actually sitting on him as he works. No wonder we don't get anything done around here!

Look at These Faces

You know- I really have been so consumed that my blogging has really suffered. First it was consumed with buying a short sale. Then moving into a short term rental. Then trying to find a bank owned home instead of a short sale. And finally, closing my branch and relocating. Actually, this last piece isn't done yet and will likely consume me for the next two months.

But in the mean time I figured maybe I better show you how stinkin' cute these little faces are- and I guess maybe then you will know why I am going through the absolute hell I am going through right now.

THE News

Well, it is official. I can finally share our news- the reason I have been so distracted for the last few weeks. And before you wonder too much- I am not pregnant.

We are relocating.

It's very overwhelming actually. See, we thought that everything fell into place just perfect with us writing the contract on that BofA short sale, found tenants for our home, and found a short term rental so that we could be free to close on the short sale any time. I have said before and will say it again- I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Apparently the reason behind all of this was not that we would ever get that big house with a basement- but more that we would be free to be able to relocate in order to preserve our jobs.

It all went a little something like this:

In January of this year we went to a big corporate meeting. They told us that they didn't want to centralize our processing centers but that we all needed to work really hard to keep our numbers in line with corporate expectations. Work hard we did! Then about four months ago we heard that they were again considering centralizing the operations but that specifically our district might get a break if we were able to keep our numbers in line and reduce our errors. Work harder we did! Then about a month ago we got word that they were still considering this centralization. I put together reports and this nice little summary about why my branch should be protected. Unfortunately, the decisions had already been made and my branch was idenitifed as one that will be consolidating with a larger branch.

So the last few weeks have been, well, rough to say the least. First of all because even though I had this knowledge I was not permitted to share it with my employees. You try walking around facing your people every day knowing that by December 31st we are all going to be out of a job. Second we have all our eggs in this basket. Both my husband and I work for the same company. The real dilemma was that although the operations department was consolidating- his department was not so he will still have a job here. And lastly- we always said we never wanted to raise our children in this city- but the question of the day is, what city then DO we want to raise them in?

We narrowed it down to Phoenix and Dallas. Both are attractive to us for various reasons, and also both are a little daunting. There is just so much going on in both- and what the heck is with the commute and traffic? We just got back from Phoenix last night and the vote is in- we are moving to Phoenix.

I'm excited. Scared. A little sad to leave Las Vegas as I have been here for twenty years. Tired just thinking about packing up all of our stuff for an interstate move. Distressed at the thought that this is all happening during the holidays. Bummed because it means we are not going to be settled permanently- at least not for another six or eight months- because we are not going to jump in and buy a house immediately until we really get to know the greater Phoenix area.

We can't wait though to get to Phoenix- for all the things it has that Vegas doesn't. Professional sports events. IKEA. Chick Fil A. Lottery tickets. Fruit trees like crazy- can you believe that citrus grows like wild there?

I have been bursting to blog about all of this- it really is too much to keep a secret. Unfortunately I couldn't- because I have no idea which of my friends and family read my blog and also because from a corporate perspective we had not been given permission to tell our employees.

So from a timeline perspective- my branch will be ceasing operations on December 31st. I am in negotiations to relocate to the Phoenix office and it sounds like they want me to start working there by December 1st and commute back to my branch at least two days a week until the end of the year. Looks like we might be moving within the next 30 days- but definitely within the next 45 as I really want to move before Christmas. I will hate living out of boxes but I would hate having my kids open their Christmas gifts only to tell them to pack them in the moving truck as we are pulling out.

I will try to keep you all updated- at least as best as possible. Was this the news you were expecting?