The Not-So-Divine Secrets of -Motherhood-

Black Friday? I just gotta say....

So here's the thing, I have done Black Friday every year for like the last 10 years. I am a self-labeled professional Black Friday shopper. As in, I used to visit all the stores I planned on hitting on Black Friday the Wednesday before Thanksgiving so I could check out the places they cleared out around the store to figure out where the big doorbusters would be located.

I strategically planned my shopping route based upon the demand for the item I was looking for and the hours of the store. You might think that if I needed something at Walmart that I would go to the Walmart closest to my house, but that wasn't always the case. For example, one year I went to a Walmart that was at least a 30 mile drive from my house, because the way my route went that year I wanted to be at stores that were in a different neighborhood.

The downfall started two or three years ago I think- when the Outlet Malls opened up for "Midnight Madness". I think that was also the same year that some stores started experimenting with opening at 4am instead of the 5am ritual. That year I was at the outlet mall at 2am (couldn't stomach the midnight thing), then I hit all the other stores I needed to go to and was home by my standard 8am. But I was more exhausted than ever before, because being at a store by 2am meant I had to be up by 1:15am.

But this year? This year all bets were off. I think the fun of Black Friday shopping has seriously been downgraded with all the stores now making their own rules and opening willy-nilly. Seriously- there should be a rule against a retail store being open on Thanksgiving Day for Black Friday shopping. I mean, how exactly can you get your drink on for Thanksgiving and then still be out shopping that day? It ruined not one day for me, but two.

Michaels (the craft store) was open from 5-9pm on Thanksgiving Day. I mean, really? That cuts right into the post-dinner coma time, where the warmth from the kitchen, the full tummies, and the bottles of wine have just set in. I actually had to pass on hitting Michaels this year, for the first year ever.

Then the outlet mall opened at 10pm instead of midnight. So in essence, we didn't go to bed, we put our kids to bed then my friend and I hit the mall. We were doing fairly well, until the line in the Gymboree store derailed us with over an hour wait. After that it was 1am and we just said, screw it. Black Friday is officially over for us. There was no physical way we could stay up until the next round of specials beginning at 4am.

So, retailers, if you are listening, I think you all need to band back together. No more of this "one-upping" each other and starting your sales earlier and earlier. If you want to open up your online shopping and let people have a go at it on Thanksgiving, so be it. But opening your stores at crazy odd hours like that just to try and capitalize on the shopping hours? Not so much. Black Friday is just that. FRIDAY. Not Thursday. And what about all the poor retail people that have to work on Thursday when you open your stores? I hope you paid all of them triple time and a half to give up their family time. I just want you all to know that this year, I didn't really shop. I probably would have done much more shopping if I could have stuck with my routine of trying to hit at least 6 stores and be home by 8am. Unfortunately, having to start at 10pm just took all the fun out of it for me.

I really hope that next year we can get back to the "rules" of Black Friday. Otherwise I just might have to give it up, which would be sad... very, very sad...

 

The pre-school calls them "Happy Grams"

I will say this, my husband is so much more in tune with what goes on at the girls pre-school than I am. So yesterday I get a text from him:

"You won't believe the Happy Gram I got on Sam today."

I'm thinking, my husband is a fairly sarcastic person, this is gonna be good. I'm running through all the things that could result in a nasty note home to the parents. She bit someone. She got into something she shouldn't have. She *gasp* used a curse word.

"They said she is showing so much interest in using the potty they want us to send panties and extra clothes to school tomorrow."

I think the skies opened up and the heavens started to sing to me. You mean, someone ELSE wants to potty train my kid for me? And not charge me extra for it? YOU BET!! I'm in. Where do I sign?

So last night I packed the bag- four pairs of panties and four extra outfits. I put it in the car for my husband so he wouldn't forget to take it to school. I didn't want the pre-school teachers to change their mind or anything.

He took it today and I asked how it went when he picked Sam up. Umm. Yeah. We are apparently going to have to buy more panties. Lots and lots more panties.

But still, they really do call it a "Happy Gram" on the top of the stationary, and yes, I happen to think that I am going to be very, very happy when Sam is potty trained.

Dear Me,

November 13th, 2010

Dear Me,

Some days you wonder just how you got to where you are today. And you wonder where you are going to be in five more years, or ten, or twenty. Let's think about this. When you were 18 you wanted to conquer the world. You didn't know exactly who or what you wanted to be, you only knew that you wanted to be Somebody.

At 23 you got engaged and at 24 you got married. You still didn't know what you wanted to be when you officially "grew up" but it didn't matter, you were happy and in love. You were barely scraping by, living paycheck to paycheck, and you had dreams and goals. You knew that you were still going to be Somebody.

At 31 you became a mother. You didn't know what life was going to bring, but you were given the most amazing gift of all, and suddenly, you finally realized were Somebody. You had been Somebody all along.

But somewhere along the way, over the last 4 years, you have forgotten that you are Somebody and are trying to be Everybody. You can't be Everybody. You need to stick with what you know, you need to just be Somebody. Your friends and family will still love you for it, and better yet, you will love yourself as well.

In five more years, just remember, life is going to change. Everything always changes. You are already Somebody, you don't need to be anyone different. If you ever have a hard time remembering, just come back to this little note as a reminder.

You ARE Somebody. You always have been Somebody, and you always will be Somebody. Stop worrying about Everybody and life will certainly seem much sweeter. Don't let it pass you by while you are so busy trying to be Everybody. Nobody can be Everybody.

Love, ME

I call it "Crazy in the Head"

It's that state of mind I hit when I look around and suddenly realize my countertops are covered in junk, we are wearing laundry straight from the basket instead of the drawer, and the pantry has flat run out of vegetables and I didn't even notice. I call it "crazy in the head".

I also get "crazy in the head" when people let the office fall into a state of disarray- like refilling the paper in the copier but not throwing away the package it came in- even though the trash can is right.THERE. Or when an empty cube suddenly becomes a junk storage area for everyone's unwanted file stackers and used two-hole punches.

I get "crazy in the head" when I have had a project on my mind for several weeks (or months) and time continues to elude me to start or complete it.

It makes me "crazy in the head" when I can't find something that I know I just saw. And the reason I can't find it is because nothing has been organized or put away like it is supposed to be. Haphazard makes me "crazy in the head" like you wouldn't believe.

My dear husband, after twelve years of watching my "crazy in the head" episodes has apparently come to know and recognize the warning signs, even when sometimes I don't see them coming. I can always tell I have an episode coming when I see him start doing things around the house- like loading the dishwasher, sorting the mail, and putting away the clothes. I absolutely love that he sees these episodes coming before I do, or maybe he just wants to minimize the wrath of Jenn. Whatever it is, I love him for it. He is earning his place in heaven, no doubt.

In case you all are wondering, I am a little "crazy in the head" right now. At least, I was before the day began. See, I looked around my house at the little piles of junk that started accumulating on every counter and open surface. I started thinking of the holidays, and all the projects I wanted to do. Then I remembered all the projects I already had planned and hadn't yet started- like painting Sam's room. And then I realized I needed to pay bills, but had no idea where to even find them. You know, since there was crap piled up on every surface of my home.

Since it is Veteran's Day I have the day off work (and a big shout out to those that serve and have given up their freedom and lives for us- thank you for your selflessness. I couldn't do it and I know that about myself.)  I opted to take the kids to pre-school today anyway, one because we pay whether they go or not, and two because I wanted to get rid of some of my "crazy".

I sat this morning and watched Tuesday's episode of "Glee". I drank two cups of coffee. And then I set about clearing the "crazy". I tidied up here and there. I ran to the Depot and grabbed three gallons of paint and a plethora of supplies to help me tackle Sam's room. And I paid the bills.

Tonight I am about 50% done painting Sam's room and it is so cute and so "Sam" I can't even stand it. I am painting three walls the color of orange sherbert and one wall a pale yellow. Her bedding colors are pinks, oranges, and yellows, and it is going to be perfect once it is done.

The bills have been paid. The washing machine is running. The dishwasher is drying the dishes. The kids are in bed. And finally, finally I think the "crazies" are subsiding. For now...

The holidays are coming

So the holidays are coming. Does this stress anyone else out the way it is stressing me out right now? I mean, I haven't had a moment to breathe since, oh, August. How on Earth am I going to do all the things that come along with holidays?

Let's see, this time last year we were in the process of shutting down our branch in Las Vegas, traveling back and forth betwen Vegas and Phoenix to locate housing, childcare, and all the other fun things that come with relocation. Thanksgiving was a small affair last year compared to all of the years past. Christmas was interesting last year, since all of our Christmas decorations had been stored in a POD. We bought another Christmas tree last year as ours was in storage, which didn't bother me one bit because I am a lover of Christmas trees and Santas. That brought my Christmas tree collection to ten. Yes, 10 trees. And when I only had 9 trees I still used to put all of them up, every single year. But that's a blog for another day.

Last year when the holidays approached I just wanted to get through them, knowing that we would be starting a new life on January 1st in a new city. I had hoped that the holidays in 2010 would be calm, and settled, and uneventful.

HA! Are the holidays EVER calm, settled, or uneventful? If so, I think you are getting short-changed.

This year is really no exception. Here it is, the first official weekend in November, and as I am counting the coming weekends I am a little breathless that I am already out of time and the official season hasn't really even started yet.

The one thing I am super excited about is that our closest friends from Las Vegas will be driving out to spend Thanksgiving with us. I am sure you know that Thankgiving in our house equals mediocre food and much good wine, which also equals tons of fun and usually some pretty good stories. I was a little sad thinking about how our Thanksgiving tradition was going to be broken this year, the first year in our ten year stretch of hosting Thanksgiving with our friends. You know, Thanksgiving is the one holiday we have really adopted as our own tradition once we got married. Over the years we have had some of the same people year in and year out, and sometimes we have random people that have nowhere to go, but it's the one holiday I always look forward to. You know, because of the good wine and good friends thing.

But other than that, I just don't know what to make of the holidays this year. My baby sister moved back to Vegas so we are literally in this city all alone. I do have family that lives about an hour South of me, and there's a possibility that I will invite myself down to spend some time with them. Or we may wind up traveling to Dallas to spend time with our family out there. Or we may just wind up staying at home, doing not a single thing but soaking up the moment with our children, in peace. It's just that if you know anything about me by now you know that nothing I do ever involves peace. Or staying still. It's a disease I think.

So the big question still is, does knowing that the holidays are coming stress anyone else out like it stresses me out?

These days...

If you are wondering what I have been up to these days, well, I'm not really sure I could even tell you. My day goes a little something like this:

4:45am- alarm goes off. Smack it before it wakes the poor husband

5:02am- shower complete, coffee brewing, blowdryer going

5:15am- coffee in hand, ironing clothes for a family of four

5:36am- clothes on, hair dried, makeup slapped on, heading out the door to work

6:15am- climbing 3 flights of stairs to work for literally the only exercise I will get all day

6:18am- answering e-mails and trying to get a jump start on a day that I am already two days behind on

8:00am- start answering the craziness that comes along with the title of "manager"

9:00am- conference call for I-don't-know-what-but-holy-crap-I-forgot-I-was-supposed-to-be-prepared-for-this

10:00am- line is forming outside my door for more managerial fun and games

11:00am- quickly check my calendar, realize I have two more conference calls for the day, and try to wade through the 63 e-mails that materialized in the last two hours.

12:14pm- wonder if I have eaten anything in the last 6 hours. Think about grabbing a frozen meal and popping in microwave- but calculating cook time, walk time to kitchen, and return time realize there is not enough time before next conference call.

12:30pm- dial up yet another conference call/webex. These things are mandatory and they monitor what percentage of your time you spend doing other tasks. Wonder if a dual screen with a Citrix environment really gives away that you were working on the other screen in another environment. Chance it, and work anyway.

1:30pm- realize my stomach is about to chew me from the inside out and make my way to the kitchen to heat up food. Six minutes to heat plus another minute and a half? What the hell happened to food that heated up in like 60 seconds?

1:42pm- lunch is over, line has formed since office door has been opened. Now serving customer number 26 of 363.

2:30pm- ahh, a break. Wait... Have I even peed today? Better do that. I don't have time to go see the doctor for kidney stones.

3:30pm- seems like things are settling down. Maybe, just maybe I can get to my 211 emails before the day is over.

4:12pm- de-railed. Fire! Hurry! This item absolutely CANNOT wait. Drop everything I am doing and figure out what the heck is going on.

5:16pm- finally, some sort of peace and quiet. Maybe, just maybe, I can leave by 6 tonight.

6:02pm- poop. Just discovered three files that absolutely have to fund tomorrow and I haven't even started on them. Better get going on those.

7:43pm- call and apologize to my husband for yet another late night.

8:22pm- finally feel like I can head home without too much guilt about the work that is unfinished and left on my desk.

9:00pm- get home, family is in bed already. That's good and bad. Kiss sleeping children (the best kind!) good night. Slurp a bowl of cereal.

9:14pm- start homework and class participation. I'm sorry- why again did I think going back to school to get a masters degree was going to be a good idea with a 2 year old and a 4 year old plus a demanding career?

9:16pm- debate becoming a "quitter".

9:18pm- realize I will forever be ridiculed if I don't finish what I started. Keep working on homework and class participation for school.

11:37pm- brush teeth, head to bed.

3:23am- walk 2 year old back to her room. No, it is not time to wake up. No, you may not watch Dora right now.

4:12am- walk 4 year old back to her room. No, I am not getting you fresh ice water in the middle of the night, I gave you a cup of water before you went to bed and it didn't go bad in the middle of the night.

4:45am- wake up. Repeat.

Umm yeah. So needless to say, things have been very, very interesting around here lately. I am hoping beyond hope that they start to settle down soon, but I can't make any promises. The thing is, I miss blogging like I would really miss my right arm, but I seriously cannot squeeze even one more thing into my day.

So please, dear friends and family, don't give up on me. I promise to be back in full force one of these days, I just don't know which one.