May 26, 2013
My dear, sweet, oldest child.... Time has gone so quickly already! I look at you and it is hard for me to believe you are six and a half years old. You just finished first grade and are excited to begin your summer break before your second grade adventure begins.
You love to read. You love to play games on the iPad and you are probably more proficient at using it than even Mama is. You send me text messages, which I love receiving. And still, I cannot believe I am receiving text messages from my six year old. I know your generation will be more technologically advanced than mine, and for that I am excited to see what you are capable of.
When I look at you and see how tiny you are it is sometimes hard for me to let you do things all by yourself. I want to protect you forever! But I do know that you are going to need to learn how to do things for yourself and that means that sometimes you are going to get hurt in the process.
All I can hope for is that I can teach you how to be strong enough to recover when you get hurt, to continue to love, and to be true to yourself even if others do not support you. There will be a time in your life where it will be very difficult for you to choose- because the path between "right" and "friends" will split. And you may have to choose the path of "right" instead of the path of "friends". That will be one of the hardest choices you will have to make and I hope that even if you do not feel strong enough to take the right path that you will search deep and find it in you. Sometimes you may wind up choosing the path of "friends" instead of "right" and you may be disappointed to discover your friends aren't really friends. That happens. Just know that those that love you the most, those that are your real friends will be there for you no matter what. They will love you and support you even in your darkest of times.
I want to teach you to love, to be compassionate, to be kind, and caring, and classy. I want to teach you how to stand up for yourself, and to stand up for others.
In return, you have already taught me to love deeper than I ever thought I could. You have taught me what true, unconditional love really is. You have taught me that I am stronger than I ever believed I could be, that I would do anything to give my children everything.
Someday you will probably think that I am the meanest mom on the planet. That I am doing things because I do not understand you, or because I do not love you. I probably will never be the "cool mom". The reason for this is because I am your mom. I am here to teach you how to fly on your own. I am dreading the day when you spread those wings and fly away from me so in the mean time I am here to teach you how to navigate through some of life's toughest challenges. That includes making you do things you aren't going to want to do, like chores. It also means teaching you how to abide by rules, like curfew. And it means teaching you how to value yourself by doing things like limiting what you wear out, who you hang around with, and where you hang out.
It's hard for me to look at you at six and a half years old and think sometime in the not-too-distant future you are going to break my heart. You aren't going to want my opinion or my help. You are going to become independent, which is what I am teaching you. And although I will be proud of you for learning what I am teaching it will absolutely break my heart when you no longer need me for everything. It brings me to tears just thinking about it right now. But that's what we do, right? We learn how to love deeply and when our heart does hurt we learn how to get through it. Because the truth is, it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't love you so much and I wouldn't want to live that way either.
Love deeply. Live with passion and compassion. Know that you are loved more than you will ever know. I am so very blessed to have you to teach me the things you have taught me and I look forward to everything I have yet to learn.
I love you my sweet girl. Love, Mama